time the figgers kept goin' up on the board,
under signs of "Pork" and "Wheat" and "Cotton" and such, and we'd hear
how so and so's account was makin' a thousand a day, and the like of
that. After a while the nice man, who it turned out was one of the
bosses of the concern, told us what it meant. Seemed there was a big
"rise" in the market and them that bought now was bound to get rich
quick. Consequent we said we wished we could buy and get rich, too. And
the smilin' chap says, "Let's go have some lunch."'

"Williams laughed. 'Ho, ho!' says he. 'Expensive lunch, was it?'

"'Most extravagant meal of vittles ever I got away with,' I says. 'Cost
me and my partner two hundred and fifty apiece, that lunch did. We
stayed in Boston two days, and on the afternoon of the second day we
was on our way back totin' a couple of neat but expensive slips of paper
signifyin' that we'd bought December and May wheat on a one per cent
margin. We was a hundred ahead already, 'cordin' to the blackboard, and
was figgerin' what sort of palaces we'd build when we cashed in.'

"'Ain't no use preachin' a long sermon over the remains. 'Twas a simple
funeral and nobody sent flowers. Inside of a month we was cleaned
out and the wheat place had gone out of business--failed, busted, you
understand. Our fish dealer friend asked some questions, and found out
the shebang wa'n't a real stock dealer's at all. 'Twas what they call
a "bucket shop," and we'd bought nothin' but air, and paid a commission
for buyin' it. And the smilin', nice man that run the swindle had been
hangin' on the edge of bust for a long while and knowed 'twas comin'.
Our five hundred had helped pay his way to a healthier climate, that's
all.'

"'Hold on a minute,' says Fatty, lookin' more interested. 'What was the
name of the firm that took you greenhorns in?'

"''Twas the Empire Bond, Stock and Grain Exchange,' says I. 'And 'twas
on Derbyshire Street.'

"He give a little jump. Then he says, slow, Hu-u-m! I--see.'

"'Yes,' says I. 'I thought you would. You had a mustache then and your
name was diff'rent, but you seemed familiar just the same. When your
false hair got washed off I knew you right away.'

"He took out his pocket pen and his check book and done a little
figgerin'.

"'Humph!' he says, again. 'You lost five hundred and I've paid you five
hundred and five. What's the five for?'

"'That's my commission on the sales,' I says.

"And just then comes a hail from ou