as'."

"At any rate," said the grocer, "I insist on paying for the hire of the
black beard."

CANOSSA

Demosthenes Platterbaff, the eminent Unrest Inducer, stood on his trial
for a serious offence, and the eyes of the political world were focussed
on the jury. The offence, it should be stated, was serious for the
Government rather than for the prisoner. He had blown up the Albert Hall
on the eve of the great Liberal Federation Tango Tea, the occasion on
which the Chancellor of the Exchequer was expected to propound his new
theory: "Do partridges spread infectious diseases?" Platterbaff had
chosen his time well; the Tango Tea had been hurriedly postponed, but
there were other political fixtures which could not be put off under any
circumstances. The day after the trial there was to be a by-election at
Nemesis-on-Hand, and it had been openly announced in the division that if
Platterbaff were languishing in gaol on polling day the Government
candidate would be "outed" to a certainty. Unfortunately, there could be
no doubt or misconception as to Platterbaff's guilt. He had not only
pleaded guilty, but had expressed his intention of repeating his escapade
in other directions as soon as circumstances permitted; throughout the
trial he was busy examining a small model of the Free Trade Hall in
Manchester. The jury could not possibly find that the prisoner had not
deliberately and intentionally blown up the Albert Hall; the question
was: Could they find any extenuating circumstances which would permit of
an acquittal? Of course any sentence which the law might feel compelled
to inflict would be followed by an immediate pardon, but it was highly
desirable, from the Government's point of view, that the necessity for
such an exercise of clemency should not arise. A headlong pardon, on the
eve of a bye-election, with threats of a heavy voting defection if it
were withheld or even delayed, would not necessarily be a surrender, but
it would look like one. Opponents would be only too ready to attribute
ungenerous motives. Hence the anxiety in the crowded Court, and in the
little groups gathered round the tape-machines in Whitehall and Downing
Street and other affected centres.

The jury returned from considering their verdict; there was a flutter, an
excited murmur, a deathlike hush. The foreman delivered his message:

"The jury find the prisoner guilty of blowing up the Albert Hall. The
jury wish to add a ri