the fashion of to-day is to style a crowded ball-room a
"bear-garden," and to confine the invitations, with but very few
exceptions, to those who are strictly on the visiting list of the
ball-giver; and pretty girls may sigh in vain for an invitation to a
ball given even by a relative or acquaintance of their own, if not on
their visiting list. Still, invitations are constantly asked for by
people for their friends, and sometimes they are given and sometimes
they are refused, as the case may be, but much depends upon the position
of the one who solicits the favour.

If the giver of an entertainment wishes to oblige the petitioner, she
will stretch a point to do so; if not, she will write a polite note of
excuse, giving one of the reasons before mentioned. It is thoroughly
understood people do not ask for invitations for themselves, whatever
they may do for their friends, and that they would not do so unless they
were themselves invited. Living at a distance modifies, however, this
latter rule; and friends in the country often ask for invitations for
friends in town, and _vice versa_.

* * * * *

=Dinner invitations= are, as a matter of course, never asked for; but
invitations to garden-parties, afternoon "at homes," and afternoon teas,
are frequently asked for and readily given. Some are intimate enough at
the house where they visit to take a relative or friend with them to
those afternoon gatherings without observing the punctiliousness of
asking for an invitation; others, on less intimate terms, do not venture
upon doing so.

In all cases when an invitation is asked for, a hostess should never
neglect to send a reply, and should not take for granted that her
friends will naturally understand that silence gives consent, for
under the circumstances it is very possible to interpret it to
signify a refusal.

CHAPTER XXXI

REFUSING INVITATIONS

Many reasons exist for declining invitations other than the plea of a
prior engagement.

"Mrs. M. regrets ('much regrets,' or 'very much regrets') that a
previous engagement prevents her having the pleasure of accepting Mrs.
N.'s 'invitation,' or 'kind invitation.'" When on more intimate terms,
Mrs. M. should write in the first person when declining an invitation.
It is an open question whether the nature of the engagement should be
stated or not. Even intimate friends often confine themselves to the
statement of the bare fact only t