seeing him once more, that I valued each hour as
it passed, and as I had too much reason to fear that I should very
soon have nothing left of happiness but what my reflections would
afford me, I endeavoured, by suppressing feelings that would have made
him miserable, and myself unfit to serve him, to lay up no store of
regret. He asked me if I was a good nurse. I told him that I had not
been much tried. He said he was sure he would be a good patient, for
he would do whatever I bade him till he was convalescent; and then he
knew he would grow very cross. I watched in vain for a cross word. All
his endeavour seemed to be to leave none but pleasing impressions on
my mind; and as he grew worse and suffered more, his smile was more
sweet, and his thanks more fervent, for everything that was done for
him.

I endeavoured to find out from the surgeons the extent of the danger.
They said that at present there were no bad symptoms, and after seeing
him alive at all after such a wound they would not despair: and if
the fever could be kept off, there was a great chance of his
recovering. With this view they wished to bleed him constantly;
wishing also thereby to make the recovery more complete. I knew they
had no interest in me, and therefore would probably tell me the same
as other people, so I continued to ask them after every visit what
they thought; but when by watching the symptoms myself and also
observing the surgeon's expression, I saw what I must soon prepare
for, I did not tease them any more with questions, but tried not to
give way, and endeavoured to keep up as long as it would be of
consequence to him; for even after all hope was gone and the disorder
increased rapidly, I felt that if by agitating him I should afterwards
imagine I had shortened his life by one hour, that reflection would
embitter my whole life. I have the satisfaction of knowing that I
succeeded even better than I could have hoped; for toward the end of
the week, when every symptom was bad, the surgeon (probably because I
desisted from enquiring and did not appear agitated) doubtful what I
thought, yet, judging it right to tell me, asked Emma if she knew
whether I was aware of the danger or not. She assured him I had
entirely given up hope for some time.

I found Emma of great service. Her good will carried her through
excessive fatigue while at Waterloo; and afterwards her excellent
heart and superior judgment were quite a blessing to me. She told