rtners.

The first problem to be ironed out was how to speed up transportation;
and failing that, to construct spacious space ships which would
attract pleasure-bent trade from _Terra_--Earth to you--with such
innovations as roulette wheels, steam rooms, cocktail lounges, double
rooms with hot and cold babes, and other such inducements.

II

THE INSIDE STUFF CONFIDENTIAL

Remember, you got this first from Lait and Mortimer. And we defy
anyone to call us liars--and prove it!

Only chumps bring babes with them to Mars. The temperature is a little
colder there than on Earth and the air a little thinner. So Terra
dames complain one mink coat doesn't keep them warm; they need two.

On the other hand, the gravity is considerably less than on Earth.
Therefore, even the heaviest bim weighs less and can be pushed over
with the greatest of ease.

However, the boys soon discovered that the lighter gravity played
havoc with the marijuana trade. With a slight tensing of the muscles
you can jump 20 feet, so why smoke "tea" when you can fly like crazy
for nothing?

Martian women are bags, so perhaps you had better disregard the
injunction above and bring your own, even if it means two furs.

Did you ever see an Alaska _klutch_ (pronounced klootch)? Probably
not. Well, these Arctic horrors are Ziegfeld beauts compared to the
Martian fair sex.

They slouch with knees bent and knuckles brushing the ground, and if
Ringling Bros, is looking for a mate for Gargantua, here is where to
find her. Yet, their manner is habitually timid, as though they've
been given a hard time. From the look in their deep-set eyes they seem
to fear abduction or rape; but not even the zoot-suited goons from
Greenpernt gave them a second tumble.

The visiting Mafia delegation was naturally disappointed at this state
of affairs. They had been led to believe by the little guy who
escorted them that all Martian dames resembled Marilyn Monroe, only
more so, and the men were Adonises (and not Joe).

Seems they once were, at that. This was a couple of aeons ago when
Earthmen looked like Martians do now, which seems to indicate that
Martians, as well as Men, have their ups and downs.

The citizens of the planet are apparently about halfway down the
toboggan. They wear clothes, but they're not handstitched. Their
neckties don't come from Sulka. No self-respecting goon from Gowanus
would care to be seen in their company.

The females always appear in p