a very
beautiful girl with expressive brown eyes and dark but clear
complexion. She liked me very much, and it was understood among
our playmates that we were lovers, although we were more reserved
toward each other than we were toward any of the other school
children. I do not know how my secret was discovered, because I
had not told any one. I wouldn't have told her for anything. I
couldn't have. It was very embarrassing for me to speak to her,
although in Blackman I always tried to catch her, and usually
succeeded for she didn't try very hard to get away. In playing "I
Spy," if I was "it," I always allowed her to get to the home goal
without spying her. In other games, such as "Dropping the
Handkerchief" or choosing games she was the one whom I favored.
Any little courtesy that I could show her filled me with keen
delight, although I never wanted her to take any notice of it. I
wanted her to understand it but not to mention it. The secret
understanding between us was not the embarrassing thing,--it was
any expression of our love toward each other that we could not
stand; any reference to it by others was also very embarrassing.
I do not think either of us was teased much. I could not easily
keep my eyes off of her during school sessions, and in the
recitations, if I chanced to sit or stand by her, I was very
nervous and could feel my heart beating with great violence. I
never corrected her in class, and have purposely missed many a
word in spelling to keep from turning her down. I never wrote her
a note nor in any way confessed my love for her except in such
acts as those which I have enumerated. She moved away from our
town when I was twelve. I grieved over it for a year or
more,--until I fell in love with another girl. This was my first
adolescent love, and came over me with great power. The girl was
about my own age and loved me as much as I did her. During the
first year of this love we were both somewhat shy. We wrote notes
and made the most extravagant confessions on paper, but would
carefully avoid such in our conversations. In the choosing games
we nearly always chose each other. In the kissing games I was the
only boy whom she would kiss. There was one other boy whom she
would allow to kiss her. I was very jealous of him although he
was my chum. At fourteen we h