egged for death;
anything to dull forever the pain that she could not understand. But the
grief saved her and she began to think for herself, since no one was
there to think for her. The city was full of sickness and death. Those
who could, must do for themselves. Joan had not written home; she
wondered what she had done in all the ages since Pat went.

All Patricia's small affairs were in order. Her money and Joan's were
banked under both names, and the dreary little home was but an empty
shell.

"I've failed--utterly," the girl sobbed over Cuff in her arms; "I told
Aunt Dorrie when I found that out--I would go to her."

So Joan sold the furniture and sublet the rooms; she paid her small
debts and promised her music teacher that she would continue her work in
New York. Then she turned wearily, aimlessly--homeward, with Cuff in her
arms.

CHAPTER XXII

"_Love, hope, fear, faith--these make humanity!_"

The trip to New York was always marked in later years, to Joan, by the
most trivial occurrences.

The passing to and fro to the baggage car where Cuff, a crumpled and
quivering mass, seemed to ask her what it all meant; the sense of
eagerness to get to The Gap before it was too late; the determination
not to frighten any one she meant to telegraph from New York; she would
leave her trunks in the station and take a bag to a little hotel where
she and Pat had stayed the night before they fled from New York. So far,
all was clear.

So she planned; forgot, and planned again. Between these wanderings and
the care of Cuff there were long hours of forgetfulness and a sound of
rushing water--or was it the train plunging through the dark?

Once in New York, with Cuff trotting behind, Joan seemed to gather
strength--but not clear vision. She went to the small hotel and secured
a room. She meant to telegraph and buy her ticket South--but instead she
fed Cuff, took a little food herself, and fell asleep. It was late when
she awakened to a realization of acute suffering that seemed confused
and spasmodic. It was like being partially conscious. She was frightened
and tried to fix upon some direct and immediate means of securing help
for herself. She did not want to call assistance from the office, so she
got up and dressed and half staggered downstairs. It needed all her
effort to hold to one thought long enough to accomplish anything.

First there was Cuff. She must get Cuff, quiet his nervousness, and feed
him. T