Puffington,
like a thorough sportsman, and one who never trashes his hounds
unnecessarily--unlike some masters," you may say, "who never know when to
leave off" (that will be a hit at Old Scamp,' observed Jack, with a
frightful squint), '"returned to Hanby House, where a distinguished party
of sportsmen--" or, say, "a distinguished party of noblemen and
gentlemen"--that'll please the ass more--"a large party of noblemen and
gentlemen were partaking of his"--his--what shall we call it?'

'Grub!' said Sponge.

'No, no--summut genteel--his--his--his--"splendid hospitality!"' concluded
Jack, waving his arm triumphantly over his head.

'Hard work, authorship!' exclaimed Sponge, as he finished writing, and
threw down the pen.

'Oh, I don't know,' replied Jack, adding, 'I could go on for an hour.'

'Ah, _you_!--that's all very well,' replied Sponge, 'for you, squatting
comfortably in your arm-chair: but consider me, toiling with my pen,
bothered with the writing, and craning at the spelling.'

'Never mind, we've done it,' replied Jack, adding, 'Puff'll be as pleased
as Punch. We've polished him off uncommon. That's just the sort of account
to tickle the beggar. He'll go riding about the country, showing it to
everybody, and wondering who wrote it.'

'And what shall we send it to?--the _Sporting Magazine_, or what?' asked
Sponge.

'_Sporting Magazine!_--no,' replied Jack; 'wouldn't be out till next
year--quick's the word in these railway times. Send it to a
newspaper--_Bell's Life_, or one of the Swillingford papers. Either of them
would be glad to put it in.'

'I hope they'll be able to read it,' observed Sponge, looking at the
blotched and scrawled manuscript.

'Trust them for that,' replied Jack, adding, 'If there's any word that
bothers them, they've nothing to do but look in the dictionary--these folks
all have dictionaries, wonderful fellows for spellin'.'

Just then a little buttony page, in green and gold, came in to ask if there
were any letters for the post; and our friends hastily made up their
packet, directing it to the editor of the Swillingford 'GUIDE TO GLORY
AND FREEMAN'S FRIEND'; words that in the hurried style of Mr. Sponge's
penmanship looked very like 'GUIDE TO GROG, AND FREEMAN'S
FRIEND.'

CHAPTER XL

A LITERARY BLOOMER

Time was when the independent borough of Swillingford supported two
newspapers, or rather two editors, the editor of the _Swillingford
Patriot_, and the editor o