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THE GATHERER.

A snapper up of unconsidered trifles.

SHAKSPEARE.

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HOW TO ROAST AN ACTOR.

If he is tall, you may discover that his person is ungraceful, and
that he wants the dapper-size of Garrick. If short, he is much under
the proper size, and can never play the character of a hero, which is
always fixed at five feet ten inches. If his features are small, you
can find out that they want expression; if large, his face is vulgar,
and his nose too much beyond the dramatic size. If his face be
unexceptionable, you may with some pains discover a _something_ in his
eye. If his eyes are piercing and intelligent, perhaps his features
are stiff and unmanageable. His shoulders may be broad; and, if not,
it is a thousand to one but he stoops; and if he stoops, and does not
turn out his toes, it is impossible he can understand his author. If
he is a scholar and a critic, and repeats a line as you never heard it
repeated before, he must be a word-catcher. If his manner is graceful,
he has studied dancing too much; but if his manner is not graceful, be
sure to tell him he must go to the dancing-school. If you can discover
no fault, you must prove how much better Garrick, Powel, Holland, or
Barry, performed the character; and as nine-tenths of your readers
cannot remember those performers, you may easily persuade them that
the object of your censure is a blockhead. If he has the art of rapid
elocution, tell him he speaks too fast; and if he speaks slowly, and
with discrimination, say that he only waits to catch applause. If his
action is graceful, tell him he makes too much use of his arms and
hands; and if his action is moderate, persuade the public that his
arms are tied behind him. By these hints you will have _done him_
completely on one side, and, if you change your opinion, and praise
him, he will be done on the other.--_Old Magazine_.

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VALE OF TEMPE.

Dr. Clarke says, "The boasted Vale of Tempe, is a defile; it is
something like Matlock, but wilder; more savage than Salvator Rosa,
and with nothing of Claude. I cannot tell why the ancients made such a
fuss about it; perhaps because half of them never saw it, and took its
character from hearsay; the other half, like mankind every where,
stupidly admiring what is said to be admirable. It is like a crack in
a great wall, at the