t ar-tist-_tic_-a-lee,
In exquisite va-ri-e-tee,
By clever CHARLOTTE ROBINSON!
They'll screen you from the bitter breeze,
They'll screen you when you take your teas,
They'll screen you when you flirt with shes--
Delightful CHARLOTTE ROBINSON!

He then folded his arms, and began to sing, "with my riddle-ol, de
riddle-ol, de ri, de O," danced a hornpipe all over the place, broke
several valuable pieces of furniture, and was removed in charge of the
police. And this is the boy that was to be a comfort to me in my old
age!

Yours parabolically, OLD PAR.

* * * * *

Novel praise from the _D.T._ for the Lord Mayor's Show, during a pause
for lunch:--"It is so quaint, so bright, so thoroughly un-English."
The Lord Mayor's Show "So Un-English, you know"! Then, indeed have we
arrived at the end of the ancient _al-fresco_ spectacle.

* * * * *

IN A HOLE.

(_BRIEF IMPERIAL TRAGI-COMEDY, IN TWO ACTS, IN ACTIVE REHEARSAL._)

["Well, if it comes to fighting, we should be just in
a hole."--_A Linesman's Opinion of the New Rifle, from
Conversation in Daily Paper._]

ACT I.

SCENE--_A Public Place in Time of Peace._

_Mrs. Britannia_ (_receiving a highly finished and improved newly
constructed scientific weapon from cautious and circumspect Head of
Department_). And so this is the new Magazine Rifle?

_Head of Department_ (_in a tone of quiet and self-satisfied
triumph_). It is, Madam.

_Mrs. Britannia_. And I may take your word for it, that it is a weapon
I can with confidence place in the hands of my soldiers.

_Head of Department_. You may, Madam. Excellent as has been all the
work turned out by the Department I have the honour to represent, I
think I may fairly claim this as our greatest achievement. No less
than nine firms have been employed in its construction, and I am
proud to say that in one of the principal portions of its intricate
mechanism, fully seven-and-thirty different parts, united by
microscopic screws, are employed in the adjustment. But allow me to
explain. [_Does so, giving an elaborate and confusing account of the
construction, showing that, without the greatest care, and strictest
attention to a series of minute precautions on the part of the
soldier, the weapon is likely to get suddenly out of order, and prove
worse than useless in action. This, however, he artfully glides over
in his description,