elf the trouble to examine into
the nature of his pretensions, and lull'd with the vows he made of
everlasting love, resented not that he forbore pressing to that ceremony
which could alone ensure it:--yes, my Louisa, I will not wrong him so
far as to say he deceived me in this point; for tho' he protested with
the most solemn imprecations that he would never address any either
woman than myself, yet he never once mentioned marriage to me.--Alass!
he too well saw into my heart, and that all my faculties were too much
his to be able to refuse him any thing:--even so it proved;--he
triumphed over all in my power to yield;--nay, was so far subdued, that
I neither regretted my loss, nor used any endeavours to conceal
it;--vain of being his at any rate, I thought his love more glory to me
than either fame or virtue; and while I was known to enjoy the one,
despised whatever censures I incurred for parting with the other:--in
the mall, the play-house, the ring, at Bath or Tunbridge, he was always
with me; nor would any thing indeed have been a diversion to me had he
been absent.

For upwards of a year I had no reason to complain of his want of
assiduity to me, tho' I have since heard even in that time he had other
amours with women who carried them on with more prudence than I was
mistress of; but I had afterwards a stabbing proof of his insincerity
and inconstancy.

Perceiving a great alteration in his behaviour, that he visited me less
frequently, and when he came, the ardours he was accustomed to treat me
with still more and more languid and enforced, I upbraided him in terms
which, tho' they shewed more love than resentment, and had he retained
any tolerable remains of tenderness for me, must have been rather
obliging than the contrary, he affected to take extremely ill, and told
me plainly, that nothing was so dear to him as his peace,--that he was
not of a temper to endure reproaches, and that, if I desired the
continuance of our amour, I must be satisfied with him as he was. These
cool, and indeed insolent replies made me almost distracted; and
beginning to suspect he had some new engagement, I talked to him in a
manner as if I had been assured of it:--he, perhaps, imagining it was
so, made no efforts to cure my jealousy, but behaved with so cruel an
indifference as confirmed my apprehensions.

Resolving to be convinced whether I really had any rival or not, I
employed spies to observe where-ever he went, and to whom