made her feel more
forcibly the loss she had sustained, than this unworthy and odious
observation; disinterestedness and greatness of soul being qualities that
poor Anet had eminently possessed. The generous Madam de Warrens turned
from me, and (without any reply) burst into tears. Dear and precious
tears! your reprehension was fully felt; ye ran into my very heart,
washing from thence even the smallest traces of such despicable and
unworthy sentiments, never to return.

This loss caused Madam de Warrens as much inconvenience as sorrow,
since from this moment her affairs were still more deranged. Anet was
extremely exact, and kept everything in order; his vigilance was
universally feared, and this set some bounds to that profusion they were
too apt to run into; even Madam de Warrens, to avoid his censure,
kept her dissipation within bounds; his attachment was not sufficient,
she wished to preserve his esteem, and avoid the just remonstrances he
sometimes took the liberty to make her, by representing that she
squandered the property of others as well as her own. I thought as he
did, nay, I even sometimes expressed myself to the same effect, but had
not an equal ascendancy over her, and my advice did not make the same
impression. On his decease, I was obliged to occupy his place, for which
I had as little inclination as abilities, and therefore filled it ill.
I was not sufficiently careful, and so very timid, that though I
frequently found fault to myself, I saw ill-management without taking
courage to oppose it; besides, though I acquired an equal share of
respect, I had not the same authority. I saw the disorder that
prevailed, trembled at it, sometimes complained, but was never attended
to. I was too young and lively to have any pretensions to the exercise
of reason, and when I would have acted the reformer, Madam de Warrens
calling me her little Mentor, with two or three playful slaps on the
cheek, reduced me to my natural thoughtlessness. Notwithstanding,
an idea of the certain distress in which her ill-regulated expenses,
sooner or later, must necessarily plunge her, made a stronger impression
on me since I had become the inspector of her household, and had a better
opportunity of calculating the inequality that subsisted between her
income and her expenses. I even date from this period the beginning of
that inclination to avarice which I have ever since been sensible of.
I was never foolishly prodigal, ex