he ground, killed by my hand--
yet never was homicide more justifiable. I had, as I believed, got rid
of all the traces of the savages outside the tent. When I found the
arrows sticking inside it in my bed, it did not occur to me that it
would be equally necessary to get rid of them. The whim seized me of
keeping them as a memorial of my escape. Instead, however, of
concealing them under the bed, I arranged them in the form of a star on
the tent covering just above my head, and every time I looked at them I
felt grateful that they were not sticking in my body. I have a dislike
to dwell on the horrible sensations which came over me during those long
winter nights and scarcely less dreary days. Had I possessed any books
they would have served me as companions, and helped me to pass the time;
but I had none.

My own thoughts and feelings were my only associates, and they often
were far from pleasant ones. I had a great temptation also, which, had
I given way to it, would have made matters worse.

Among the articles which had fallen from the wagon, and which Obed and I
afterwards picked up, was a small cask of brandy. We were both of us
very abstemious, or we should not have been the strong, hearty fellows
we were. The cask, therefore, had not even been broached. The tempter,
however, now came suggesting to me that I might soon forget all my
miseries if I would but occasionally take a taste of the fire-water. I
resisted him, however. I knew that if I once began I might go on, and
not know when to stop. I was sure that I was better and stronger
without liquor of any sort, so I let the cask remain as it was in a
corner of the tent. I had a pipe and a small quantity of tobacco, which
I mixed with sumach leaves and willow bark to make it go further.
Smoking this was my greatest animal pleasure. My usual dinner, eked out
with fried wolf's flesh, indeed required a smoke to make it digest
properly. After this adventure with the Indians, I found my nerves much
shaken. I stayed in bed for a couple of days, but whenever I dropped
asleep I found myself acting the whole scene over and over again. At
night I had, as usual, to sit up, wrapped in my buffalo robes, with my
feet at the fire, and my pistols in my hands, keeping the wolves at bay.
Oh, how I wished they would cease their horrid serenade. The old year
passed away, and the new year began, but there was no change in my
condition. I was growing seriously alarm