upon the mole-hill in the shape of a cock-sparrow, who picks up without
distinction, the pismire of quality and his flatterers, the pismire of
substance and his day labourers, the white straw officer and his
sycophants, with all the goddesses, wits, and beauties of the mole-hill.

13. May we not imagine that beings of superior natures and perfections
regard all the instances of pride and vanity, among our own species, in
the same kind of view, when they take a survey of those who inhabit the
earth; or, in the language of an ingenious _French_ poet, of those
pismires that people this heap of dirt, which human vanity has divided
into climates and regions.

GUARDIAN, Vol. II. No. 153.

_Drunkenness_.

1. No vices are so incurable as those which men are apt to glory in. One
would wonder how drunkenness should have the good luck to be of this
number. _Anarcharsis_, being invited to a match of drinking at Corinth,
demanded the prize very humourously, because he was drunk before any of
the rest of the company, for, says he, when we run a race, he who
arrives at the goal first, is entitled to the reward:

2. On the contrary, in this thirsty generation, the honour falls upon
him who carries off the greatest quantity of liquor, and knocks down the
rest of the company. I was the other day with honest _Will Funnell_, the
West Saxon, who was reckoning up how much liquor had passed through him
in the last twenty years of his life, which, according to his
computation, amounted to twenty-three hogsheads of October, four ton of
port, half a kilderkin of small-beer, nineteen barrels of cyder, and
three glasses of champaigne; besides which he had assisted at four
hundred bowls of punch, not to mention sips, drams, and whets without
number.

3. I question not but every reader's memory will suggest to him several
ambitious young men, who are as vain in this particular as _Will
Funnell_, and can boast of as glorious exploits.

Our modern philosophers observe, that there is a general decay of
moisture in the globe of the earth. This they chiefly ascribe to the
growth of vegetables, which incorporate into their own substance many
fluid bodies that never return again to their former nature:

4. But with submission, they ought to throw into their account, those
innumerable rational beings which fetch their nourishment chiefly out of
liquids: especially when we consider that men, compared with their
fellow-creatures, drink much