l, only thus far may we know
him. So thou seest, Paul, he has not written the utmost stint of his
power upon us, and this being so, Paul--and who shall say that it is not
so--it came to me to understand that all striving was vain, and worse
than vain. The pursuit of a corruptible crown as well as the pursuit of
an incorruptible crown leads us to sin. If we would reach the sinless
state we must relinquish pursuit. What I mean is this, that he who seeks
the incorruptible crown starts out with words of love on his lips to
persuade men to love God, and finding that men do not heed him he begins
to hate them, and hate leads on into persecution. Such is the end of all
worship. There is but one thing, Paul, to learn to live for ourselves,
and to suffer our fellows to do likewise; all learning comes out of
ourselves, and no one may communicate his thought; for his thought was
given to him for himself alone. Thou art where I was once, thou hast
learnt that sacrifices and observances are vain, that God is in our
heart; and it may be that in years to come thy knowledge will be
extended, or it may be that thou hast reached the end of thy tether: we
are all at tether, Paul.

Wouldst thou have me learn, Jesus, that God is to be put aside? Again,
Paul, thou showest me the vanity of words. God forbid that I should say
banish God from thy hearts. God cannot be banished, for God is in us.
All things proceed from God; all things end in God; God like all the
rest is a possession of the mind. He who would be clean must be obedient
to God. God has not designed us to know him except through our
conscience. Each man's conscience is a glimpse. These are some of the
things that I have learnt, Paul, in the wilderness during the last
twenty years. But seek not to understand me. Thou canst not understand
me and be thyself; but, Paul, I can comprehend thee, for once I was
thou. Whither goest thou? Paul cried, looking back. But Jesus made no
answer, and Paul, with a flutter of exaltation in his heart, turned
towards Caesarea, knowing now for certain that Jesus would not go to
Jerusalem to provoke the Jews against him. Italy would therefore hear of
the life and death of our Lord Jesus Christ that had brought salvation
for all, and Spain afterwards. Spain, Spain, Spain! he repeated as he
walked, filled with visions of salvation. He walked with Spain vaguely
in his mind till his reverie was broken by the sound of voices, and he
saw people suddenly in a