nd
that if I was not very easy and happy in the world, it must be my mere
fate or fault that must hinder it; and that he should have nothing to
answer for, having thus discharged his duty in warning me against
measures which he knew would be to my hurt: in a word, that as he would
do very kind things for me if I would stay and settle at home as he
directed, so he would not have so much hand in my misfortunes, as to
give me any encouragement to go away: and to close all, he told me I had
my elder brother for an example, to whom he had used the same earnest
persuasions to keep him from going into the Low Country wars, but could
not prevail, his young desires prompting him to run into the army, where
he was killed; and though he said he would not cease to pray for me, yet
he would venture to say to me, that if I did take this foolish step, God
would not bless me, and I would have leisure hereafter to reflect upon
having neglected his counsel, when there might be none to assist in
my recovery.

I observed in this last part of his discourse, which was truly
prophetic, though I suppose my father did not know it to be so himself;
I say, I observed the tears run down his face very plentifully, and
especially when he spoke of my brother who was killed: and that when he
spoke of my having leisure to repent, and none to assist me, he was so
moved, that he broke off the discourse, and told me, his heart was so
full he could say no more to me.

I was sincerely affected with this discourse, as indeed who could be
otherwise? and I resolved not to think of going abroad any more, but to
settle at home according to my father's desire. But, alas! a few days
wore it all off; and, in short, to prevent any of my father's further
importunities, in a few weeks after I resolved to run quite away from
him. However, I did not act so hastily neither as my first heat of
resolution prompted, but I took my mother, at a time when I thought her
a little pleasanter than ordinary, and told her, that my thoughts were
so entirely bent upon seeing the world, that I should never settle to
any thing with resolution enough to go through with it, and my father
had better give me his consent than force me to go without it; that I
was now eighteen years old, which was too late to go apprentice to a
trade, or clerk to an attorney; that I was sure, if I did, I should
never serve out my time, and I should certainly run away from my master
before my time was out, a