o
sech as you. There's pen an' ink all handy."

We heard the scratching of pen on paper.

"Ye look mighty pleased," said Uncle Jap, "an' it's not because yer
gittin' a property wuth a million for a quarter its value, nor because
late in the day ye've squared an ugly account, but because yer
thinkin' that this yere note ain't wuth the paper it's written on. An'
it ain't-yit."

Again Mrs. Panel nudged me. Her beatific expression told me more
eloquently than words that her Jasper was the greatest man on earth.

"Notes-of-hand given by onreliable parties must be secured," said
Uncle Jap slowly. "This yere is goin' to be secured by a confession,
dictated by me, written out an' signed by you. When the note is paid,
I hand over the confession--see! If the note ain't paid prompt, the
confession goes to the noospapers of this enlightened land. I shall
git something from them for sech a remarkable doccyment. But, first of
all, here an' now, you can make a small payment on the note. Give me
that di'mond ring, an' the di'mond pin. _Quick_!"

A moment later these corruscating gems were swept into Uncle Jap's
hand.

"What did they cost ye?"

"Twenty-seven hundred dollars."

"Suffering Moses! Endorse that as paid on the back of the note. Got it
down? Yas." Uncle Jap folded up the note and placed it carefully in a
large pocket-book. "Now write out, good an' plain, what I tell ye.
Ready? Date an' address first. That's right. Now----"

Obviously, he was pulling himself together for a tremendous literary
effort. Mrs. Panel had hold of my arm, and was squeezing it hard.
Uncle Jap began--

"'_This is to certify that I, Nathaniel Leveson, the undersigned,
have been fooling with the wrong end of a mule, viz., Jasper Panel,
who's as self-opinionated a critter as ever marched with Sherman to
the Sea_----' What air you doing?"

Leveson had laid down his pen. "This is farce," he said sharply.

"We'll hev your criticism after the play is over," retorted Uncle Jap
decisively. "I'm talkin' now. Pick up that thar pen, and don't lay it
down agen till I tell ye, or," the muzzle of the Colt almost touched
the perspiring forehead of the Colossus, "or else, by Golly, thar'll
be a terr'ble muss to clean up in here to-morrer mornin'. That's
better. Lemmee see, whar was I? _'Sherman to the Sea,_' yas. Now:
'_I tried to down Jasper Panel, and he's downed me. I'm a nateral
born hog, and I eat with all four feet in the trough.'_ Underline
that,