n another, and made one look cool upon
another. My poor cousin Dolly, you see, has reason to regret on this
account, as well as my aunt. Miss Howe, my dear Miss Howe, is but too
sensible of the effects of my fault, having had more words with her
mother on my account, than ever she had on any other. Yet the man who
has drawn me into all this evil I must be thrown upon!--Much did I
consider, much did I apprehend, before my fault, supposing I were to be
guilty of it: but I saw it not in all its shocking lights.

And now, to know that my father, an hour before he received the tidings
of my supposed flight, owned that he loved me as his life: that he would
have been all condescension: that he would--Oh! my dear, how tender, how
mortifyingly tender now in him! My aunt need not have been afraid, that
it should be known that she has sent me such a letter as this!--A father
to kneel to his child!--There would not indeed have been any bearing of
that!--What I should have done in such a case, I know not. Death
would have been much more welcome to me than such a sight, on such an
occasion, in behalf of a man so very, very disgustful to me!--But I had
deserve annihilation, had I suffered my father to kneel in vain.

Yet, had but the sacrifice of inclination and personal preference been
all, less than KNEELING should have been done. My duty should have been
the conqueror of my inclination. But an aversion--an aversion so
very sincere!--The triumph of a cruel and ambitious brother, ever so
uncontroulable, joined with the insults of an envious sister, bringing
wills to theirs, which otherwise would have been favourable to me: the
marriage-duties, so absolutely indispensable, so solemnly to be engaged
for: the marriage-intimacies (permit me to say to you, my friend, what
the purest, although with apprehension, must think of) so very
intimate: myself one who has never looked upon any duty, much less a
voluntary-vowed one, with indifference; could it have been honest in me
to have given my hand to an odious hand, and to have consented to such a
more than reluctant, such an immiscible union, if I may so call it?--For
life too!--Did not I think more and deeper than most young creatures
think; did I not weigh, did I not reflect, I might perhaps have been
less obstinate.--Delicacy, (may I presume to call it?) thinking,
weighing, reflection, are not blessings (I he not found them such) in
the degree I have them. I wish I had been able, in some