ot. Men of letters never have. Otherwise, how I could serve
out a competitor here, make a face over his works, and show that this
would-be port is very meagre ordinaire indeed! Nonsense, man! Why so
squeamish? Do they spare YOU! Now you have the whip in your hand, won't
you lay on? You used to be a pretty whip enough as a young man, and
liked it too. Is there no enemy who would be the better for a little
thonging? No. I have militated in former times, not without glory; but
I grow peaceable as I grow old. And if I have a literary enemy, why, he
will probably write a book ere long, and then it will be HIS turn, and
my favorite review will be down upon him.

My brethren, these sermons are professedly short; for I have that
opinion of my dear congregation, which leads me to think that were I to
preach at great length they would yawn, stamp, make noises, and perhaps
go straightway out of church; and yet with this text I protest I could
go on for hours. What multitudes of men, what multitudes of women, my
dears, pass off their ordinaire for port, their small beer for strong!
In literature, in politics, in the army, the navy, the church, at the
bar, in the world, what an immense quantity of cheap liquor is made to
do service for better sorts! Ask Serjeant Roland his opinion of Oliver
Q.C. "Ordinaire, my good fellow, ordinaire, with a port-wine label!" Ask
Oliver his opinion of Roland. "Never was a man so overrated by the world
and by himself." Ask Tweedledumski his opinion of Tweedledeestein's
performance. "A quack, my tear sir! an ignoramus, I geef you my vort?
He gombose an opera! He is not fit to make dance a bear!" Ask Paddington
and Buckminster, those two "swells" of fashion, what they think of each
other? They are notorious ordinaire. You and I remember when they passed
for very small wine, and now how high and mighty they have become.
What do you say to Tomkins's sermons? Ordinaire, trying to go down as
orthodox port, and very meagre ordinaire too! To Hopkins's historical
works?--to Pumkins's poetry? Ordinaire, ordinaire again--thin, feeble,
overrated; and so down the whole list. And when we have done discussing
our men friends, have we not all the women? Do these not advance absurd
pretensions? Do these never give themselves airs? With feeble brains,
don't they often set up to be esprits forts? Don't they pretend to be
women of fashion, and cut their betters? Don't they try and pass off
their ordinary-looking girls as