at she had deceived one more worthy soul. She
did not, to be sure, deserve to be charged with spiritual pride; for
in this silent chamber, where death stood on the threshold, she thought
over all the horrible things she had done, and told herself repeatedly
that she was the chief and most vile of sinners.

Many times she felt impelled to confide in another soul, to invite a
pitying eye to behold and share her inward suffering.

To the bishop above all, the most venerable priest she knew, she
would most readily have confessed everything and have submitted to any
penance, however severe, at his hands, but shame held her back; and even
more did another more urgent consideration. The prelate, she knew, would
demand of her that she should forsake her old life, root out from her
soul the old feelings and desires, and begin a new existence; but for
this the time had not yet come: her love was still an indispensable
condition of life, and her hatred was even more dear to her. When
Paula's terrible doom should indeed have overtaken her, and Katharina,
her heart full of those old feelings, had gloated over it; when she
should have been able to prove to Orion that her love was no less great
and strong and self-sacrificing than that of Thomas' daughter; when she
should have compelled him--as she would and must--to acknowledge that
he had cruelly misprized her and sinned against her; then, and not till
then, would she make peace with herself, with the Church, and with her
Saviour. Nay, if need be, she would take the veil and mourn away
the rest of her young life as a penitent, in a convent or a solitary
rock-cell. But now--when Paula, his betrothed, had done this great thing
for him--to perish now, with her love unseen, unknown, uncared for,
perhaps forgotten by him, to retire into herself and vanish from his
ken--that was too much for human nature! Sooner would she be lost
forever; body and soul in everlasting perdition, a prey to Satan and
hell--in which she believed as firmly as in her own existence.

So she went on nursing her mother, saw the red spots spread over the
sick woman's whole body--watched the fever that increased from day
to day, from hour to hour; listened with a mixture of horror and
gladness--at which she herself shuddered, though she fed her heart on
it--to the reports of the preparations for the sacrifice of the Bride of
the Nile, and to all the bishop could tell her of Paula, and her dying
father, and Orion.