ore propriety than in any place near
the capital; and lastly, the disposition of the Scots, addicted to
travelling, justifies my conduct in deriving an adventurer from that
country. That the delicate reader may not be offended at the unmeaning
oaths which proceed from the mouths of some persons in these memoirs,
I beg leave to promise, that I imagined nothing could more effectually
expose the absurdity of such miserable expletives, than a natural and
verbal representation of the discourse in which they occur.

APOLOGUE

A young painter, indulging a vein of pleasantry, sketched a kind of
conversation piece, representing a bear, an owl, a monkey, and an ass;
and to render it more striking, humorous, and moral, distinguished every
figure by some emblem of human life. Bruin was exhibited in the garb and
attitude of an old, toothless, drunken soldier; the owl perched upon the
handle of a coffee-pot, with spectacle on nose, seemed to contemplate a
newspaper; and the ass, ornamented with a huge tie-wig (which, however,
could not conceal his long ears), sat for his picture to the monkey, who
appeared with the implements of painting. This whimsical group afforded
some mirth, and met with general approbation, until some mischievous wag
hinted that the whole--was a lampoon upon the friends of the performer;
an insinuation which was no sooner circulated than those very people who
applauded it before began to be alarmed, and even to fancy themselves
signified by the several figures of the piece.

Among others, a worthy personage in years, who had served in the army
with reputation, being incensed at the Supposed outrage, repaired to the
lodging of the painter, and finding him at home, "Hark ye, Mr. Monkey,"
said he, "I have a good mind to convince you, that though the bear has
lost his teeth, he retains his paws, and that he is not so drunk but he
can perceive your impertinence." "Sblood! sir, that toothless jaw is a
d--ned scandalous libel--but don't you imagine me so chopfallen as not
to be able to chew the cud of resentment." Here he was interrupted by
the arrival of a learned physician, who, advancing to the culprit with
fury in his aspect, exclaimed, "Suppose the augmentation of the ass's
ears should prove the diminution of the baboon's--nay, seek not to
prevaricate, for, by the beard of Aesculapius! there is not one hair
in this periwig that will not stand up in judgment to convict thee of
personal abuse. Do but obse