FREE BOOKS

Author's List




PREV.   NEXT  
|<   148   149   150   151   152   153   154   155   156   157   158   159   160   161   162   163   164   165   166   167   168   169   170   171   172  
173   174   175   176   177   178   179   180   181   182   183   184   185   186   187   188   189   190   191   192   193   194   195   196   197   >>   >|  
but it was only the more pitiful for that. "All is over," she said; "I have nothing but you. Remember that." "I can never forget what is my whole life. For one instant of this happiness..." "Happiness!" she said with horror and loathing and her horror unconsciously infected him. "For pity's sake, not a word, not a word more." She rose quickly and moved away from him. "Not a word more," she repeated, and with a look of chill despair, incomprehensible to him, she parted from him. She felt that at that moment she could not put into words the sense of shame, of rapture, and of horror at this stepping into a new life, and she did not want to speak of it, to vulgarize this feeling by inappropriate words. But later too, and the next day and the third day, she still found no words in which she could express the complexity of her feelings; indeed, she could not even find thoughts in which she could clearly think out all that was in her soul. She said to herself: "No, just now I can't think of it, later on, when I am calmer." But this calm for thought never came; every time the thought rose of what she had done and what would happen to her, and what she ought to do, a horror came over her and she drove those thoughts away. "Later, later," she said--"when I am calmer." But in dreams, when she had no control over her thoughts, her position presented itself to her in all its hideous nakedness. One dream haunted her almost every night. She dreamed that both were her husbands at once, that both were lavishing caresses on her. Alexey Alexandrovitch was weeping, kissing her hands, and saying, "How happy we are now!" And Alexey Vronsky was there too, and he too was her husband. And she was marveling that it had once seemed impossible to her, was explaining to them, laughing, that this was ever so much simpler, and that now both of them were happy and contented. But this dream weighed on her like a nightmare, and she awoke from it in terror. Chapter 12 In the early days after his return from Moscow, whenever Levin shuddered and grew red, remembering the disgrace of his rejection, he said to himself: "This was just how I used to shudder and blush, thinking myself utterly lost, when I was plucked in physics and did not get my remove; and how I thought myself utterly ruined after I had mismanaged that affair of my sister's that was entrusted to me. And yet, now that years have passed, I recall i
PREV.   NEXT  
|<   148   149   150   151   152   153   154   155   156   157   158   159   160   161   162   163   164   165   166   167   168   169   170   171   172  
173   174   175   176   177   178   179   180   181   182   183   184   185   186   187   188   189   190   191   192   193   194   195   196   197   >>   >|  



Top keywords:

horror

 

thought

 

thoughts

 

calmer

 

Alexey

 

utterly

 

Alexandrovitch

 

caresses

 
husbands
 

simpler


weeping
 

lavishing

 

explaining

 
husband
 

marveling

 
contented
 
Vronsky
 

kissing

 

impossible

 

laughing


physics

 

remove

 
ruined
 

plucked

 
shudder
 

thinking

 

mismanaged

 

affair

 
passed
 

recall


sister

 

entrusted

 

return

 

Chapter

 

terror

 

nightmare

 

Moscow

 

disgrace

 
rejection
 
remembering

shuddered

 

weighed

 

dreams

 

rapture

 

stepping

 

forget

 

moment

 

Remember

 

inappropriate

 

vulgarize