ng perhaps
my distinguished share in the battle of Round-way-down--became the cause
of a most tragic event, in which I acknowledge the greatest misfortune
of my existence."

The dwarf here paused, fetched a sigh, big at once with regret, and with
the importance becoming the subject of a tragic history; then proceeded
as follows:--

"You would have thought in your simplicity, young gentleman, that
the pretty pageant I have mentioned could only have been quoted to my
advantage, as a rare masking frolic, prettily devised, and not less
deftly executed; and yet the malice of the courtiers, who maligned and
envied me, made them strain their wit, and exhaust their ingenuity, in
putting false and ridiculous constructions upon it. In short, my ears
were so much offended with allusions to pies, puff-paste, ovens, and
the like, that I was compelled to prohibit such subject of mirth, under
penalty of my instant and severe displeasure. But it happ'd there was
then a gallant about the Court, a man of good quality, son to a knight
baronet, and in high esteem with the best in that sphere, also a
familiar friend of mine own, from whom, therefore, I had no reason to
expect any of that species of gibing which I had intimated my purpose
to treat as offensive. Howbeit, it pleased the Honourable Mr. Crofts,
so was this youth called and designed, one night, at the Groom Porter's
being full of wine and waggery, to introduce this threadbare subject,
and to say something concerning a goose-pie, which I could not but
consider as levelled at me. Nevertheless, I did but calmly and solidly
pray him to choose a different subject; failing which, I let him know I
should be sudden in my resentment. Notwithstanding, he continued in the
same tone, and even aggravated the offence, by speaking of a tomtit, and
other unnecessary and obnoxious comparisons; whereupon I was compelled
to send him a cartel, and we met accordingly. Now, as I really loved the
youth, it was my intention only to correct him by a flesh wound or
two; and I would willingly that he had named the sword for his weapon.
Nevertheless, he made pistols his election; and being on horseback, he
produced by way of his own weapon, a foolish engine, which children are
wont, in their roguery, to use for spouting water; a--a--in short, I
forget the name."

"A squirt, doubtless," said Peveril, who began to recollect having heard
something of this adventure.

"You are right," said the dwarf; "you