gest passion must die away
when it finds no return; and in such a case a man has done enough, if
this finest feeling of his nature do not turn into hatred and malice.
For myself I was thrown back by this into my apparent frivolity: and
not to make a show of my unhappiness, like my wife, who, though
otherwise admirable, gave way too much to this weakness, I abandoned
myself to riotous conviviality, turbulent pleasures, and unprofitable
society. There is often a spirit of defiance in us, having something
of nobleness in it, and not utterly condemnable, which withholds
strong characters from reforming and improving, notwithstanding all
the admonitions of conscience. The more unhappy I felt myself, the
more I acted happiness. After my son was born, my wife began to shun
me altogether, and would often wilfully misunderstand me. She devoted
all her affection and care to her child, lived only for him, and
brought him up to be so capricious and headstrong, that she herself
was the greatest sufferer by his faults, and yet had not strength of
mind enough to eradicate the fatal perverseness, which she herself had
first fostered in him. My advice was not listened to: it had been
taken for granted that I could no more love the child, than appreciate
and esteem the mother. My heart bled; and yet I could not interfere
authoritatively, unless I would consent to be regarded by her and by
the whole world as a monster, being already called a tyrant,
unfeeling, and frivolous, and having been so long wont to give up the
point that I often lookt on myself as such. Thus my son was bred up as
a stranger to me, with all his feelings purposely and studiously
alienated from me: but his over-weak, too passionately fond mother was
no gainer thereby; for she likewise lost his depraved heart, over
which, when the boy was grown up, she had not the slightest influence.
How reckless and unmanageable he has been, you well know; how wretched
his mother has become, is notorious; but my life too, my friends, is a
lost one."

A servant came hastily in, and told the counsellor he must go home
immediately: for something of great importance had happened.

* * * * *

The wife of counsellor Helbach was sitting in her bedroom, which only
let in a faint dim light from the court. Her tear-worn eyes were
stedfastly fixt on an open gospel; she read devoutly, and prayed.
Suddenly she heard a noise; her servant was pusht forcibly back b