stewards and the
decadence of all sailormen, he received a telegram from Briggs:

"Can't you manage to come up here?"

Irritated, he telegraphed back:

"Impossible. Why don't you arrange to fire poet?" And Briggs replied:
"Can't fire poet. There are extenuating circumstances."

"Did you say exterminating or extenuating?" wired Wayne. "I said
extenuating," replied Briggs.

Then the following telegrams were exchanged in order:

(1)

What are the extenuating circumstances?

WAYNE.

(2)

Eight innocent children. Come up at once.

BRIGGS.

(3)

Boat in commission. Can't go. Why don't you fix things?

WAYNE.

(4)

How?

BRIGGS.

(5)

(Dated NEW LONDON.)

What on earth is the matter with you? Are you going to fix things
and join me at Bar Harbor or are you not?

WAYNE.

(6)

As I don't know how you want me to fix things, I can not join you.

BRIGGS.

(7)

(Dated PORTLAND, MAINE.)

Stuyvesant Briggs, what the devil is the matter with you? It's
absolutely necessary that I have the Ashton stream for a hatchery,
and you know it. What sort of a business man are you, anyhow? Of
course I don't propose to treat that poet inhumanly. Arrange to bid
in the tract, run up the price against your own bidding, and let
the poet have a few thousand if he is hard put. Don't worry me any
more; I'm busy with a fool crew, and you are spoiling my cruise by
not joining me.

WAYNE.

(8)

He won't do it.

BRIGGS.

(9)

_Who_ won't do _what_?

WAYNE.

(10)

Poet refuses to discuss the matter.

BRIGGS.

(11)

Fire that poet. You've spoiled my cruise with your telegrams.

WAYNE.

(12)

(_Marked "Collect."_)

Look here, George Wayne, don't drive me to desperation. You ought to
come up and face the situation yourself. I can't fire a poet with
eight helpless children, can I? And while I'm about it, let me
inform you that every time you telegraph me it costs me five dollars
for a carrier to bring the despatch over from the station; and every
time I telegraph you I am obliged to walk five miles to send it and
five miles back again. I'm mad all through, and my shoes are worn
out, and I'm tired. Besides, I'm too busy to telegraph.

BRIGGS.

(13)

Do you expect me to stop my cruise and travel up to that hole on
account of eight extenuating kids?