n Music Hall I'm chosen Laureate,
My cackle and my patter fill the Town;
I'm more popular than BURNS, a thing to glory at;
My name is PINDAR BOANERGES BROWN.

You have never heard it mentioned? Highly probable
A hundred duffers flourish on _my_ fame;
But the Muse is _so_ peculiarly rob-able,
And I am very little known--by name?
But ask the Big BONASSUS--on the Q. T.--
Or ask the Sisters SQUORKS, of P. B. B.
And they'll tell you Titan Talent, Siren Beauty,
Would be both the frostiest fizzles but for Me!

Gracious Heavens! When I think of all the cackle
I have turned out for the heroes of the Halls!!!
No wonder that the task I've now to tackle--
Something new and smart for TRICKSY TRIP!--appals.
I have tried three several songs--and had to "stock 'em,"
She's imperative; her last Great Hit's played out,
And she wants "a new big thing that's bound to knock 'em."
And "she'd like it by return of post!"--No doubt!!!

She does four turns a night, and rakes the shekels;
She sports a suit of sables and a brougham.
Five years ago a lanky girl, with freckles,
First fetched 'em with my hit, "_The Masher Groom_."
And now her limbs spread pink on all the posters,
And now she drives her pony-chaise--and Me!
Poet-Laureate? I should like to set the boasters
The tasks I have to try for "TRICKSY T."

I am vivid, I am various, I am versatile;
I did "_Up to the Nines_" for DANDY DOBBS,
And "_Smacky-Smack_" for "TIDDLUMS,"--Isn't _hers_ a tile?--
"_Salvation Sue_"--the stiffest of stiff jobs--
For roopy-raspy-voiced and vain "OEOLIA,"
Who dubs herself the SCHNEIDER-PATTI BLEND;
And now, a prey to stone-broke melancholia,
I sit and rack my fancy, to no end!

My ink runs dry, my wits seem gone wool-gathering;
And yet I know that over half the town
_My_ "stuff" the Stars are blaring, bleating, blathering,
Sacking a tenner where I pouch a crown.
I know that my--anonymous--smart verses,
Are piling oof for middlemen in sacks,
My verse brings pros. seal-coats and well-stuffed purses
My back care bows, whilst profits lade _their_ backs.

If you'll show me any "Poet" more prolific,
If you'll point to any "patterer" more smart,
One whose "patriotic" zeal is more terrific,
Who can give me at snide slang the slightest start,
Who can fit a swell, a toff, a cad, a coster,
At the very shortest