' Ach,
nein! Don'd you write down somedings. Effery man he iss entitled to
protection; und so iss it he iss protected."

Stein in hand he beamed upon us benevolently over his knifeful of
sauerfisch, then he fed himself and rammed it down with a hearty draught
of Pilsner. We gazed with reverence upon Kultur as embodied in this great
Teuton.

"That woman," remarked Lezard to me, "certainly means to get rid of you.
It seems to me that there are only two possible ways for you to hold down
your job at the Bronx. You know it, don't you?"

I nodded. "Yes," I said; "either I must pay marked masculine attention to
Professor Bottomly or I must manage to put one over on her."

"Of course," said Lezard, "the first method is the easier for _you_--"

"Not for a minute!" I said, hastily; "I simply couldn't become frolicsome
with her. You say she's got a voice like a drill-sergeant and she
goose-steps when she walks; and I don't mind admitting she has me badly
scared already. No; she must be scientifically ruined. It is the only
method which makes her elimination certain."

"But if her popular nature books didn't ruin her scientifically, how can
we hope to lead her astray?" inquired Lezard.

"There is," I said, thoughtfully, "only one thing that can really ruin a
scientist. Ridicule! I have braved it many a time, taking my scientific
life in my hands in pursuit of unknown specimens which might have proved
only imaginary. Public ridicule would have ended my scientific career in
such an event. I know of no better way to end Professor Bottomly's
scientific career and capability for mischief than to start her out after
something which doesn't exist, inform the newspapers, and let her suffer
the agonising consequences."

Dr. Fooss began to shout:

"The idea iss schoen! colossal! prachtvol! ausgezeichnet! wunderbar!
wunderschoen! gemuetlich--" A large, tough noodle checked him. While he
labored with Teutonic imperturbability to master it Lezard and I
exchanged suggestions regarding the proposed annihilation of this
fearsome woman who had come ravening among us amid the peaceful and
soporific environment of Bronx Park.

It was a dreadful thing for us to have our balmy Lotus-eaters' paradise
so startlingly invaded by a large, loquacious, loud-voiced lady who had
already stirred us all out of our agreeable, traditional and leisurely
inertia. Inertia begets cogitation, and cogitation begets ideas, and
ideas beget reflexion, and profo