dignified, an' then 'e had to trot,
And then 'e tried to canter when the pace became too 'ot.
'E looked 'is very 'aughtiest, as if 'e didn't mind,
And all the time the motor-car was pushin' 'im be'ind.

Now, master lost 'is 'ead when 'e found 'e couldn't stop,
And 'e pulled a valve or somethin' an' somethin' else went pop,
An' somethin' else went fizzywig, an' in a flash or less,
That blessed car was goin' like a limited express.

Master 'eld the steerin' gear, an' kept the road all right,
And away they whizzed and clattered--my aunt! it was a sight.
'E seemed the finest draught 'orse as ever lived by far,
For all the country Juggins thought 'twas 'im wot pulled the car.

'E was stretchin' like a grey'ound, 'e was goin' all 'e knew,
But it bumped an' shoved be'ind 'im, for all that 'e could do;
It butted 'im and boosted 'im an' spanked 'im on a'ead,
Till 'e broke the ten-mile record, same as I already said.

Ten mile in twenty minutes! 'E done it, sir. That's true.
The only time we ever found what that 'ere 'orse could do.
Some say it wasn't 'ardly fair, and the papers made a fuss,
But 'e broke the ten-mile record, and that's good enough for us.

You see that 'orse's tail, sir? You don't! no more do we,
Which really ain't surprisin', for 'e 'as no tail to see;
That engine wore it off 'im before master made it stop,
And all the road was litter'd like a bloomin' barber's shop.

And master? Well, it cured 'im. 'E altered from that day,
And come back to 'is 'orses in the good old-fashioned way.
And if you wants to git the sack, the quickest way by far,
Is to 'int as 'ow you think 'e ought to keep a motorcar.

THE HARDEST PART I EVER PLAYED.

BY RE HENRY.

I come of an acting family. We all took to the stage as young ducks
take to the water; and though we are none of us geniuses,--yet we got
on.

My three brothers are at the present time starring, either in the
provinces or in America; my two elder sisters, having strutted and
fretted their hour upon the stage, are married to respectable City
men; I, Sybil Gascoigne, have acted almost as long as I can remember;
the little ones, Kate and Dick, are still at school, but when they
leave the first thing they do will be to look out for an engagement.

I do not think we were ever any of us very much in love with the
profession. We took things easily. Of course there were some parts we
liked better than others, but we played everything that came in our
way--