XL.

WHY, BLESS MY SOUL! IT REALLY SEEMS TO THINK.

I was watching not long since, a man talking to a bright woman on the
train, and his manner of comporting himself set me to thinking of the
peculiar ways men have of addressing themselves to women. Some talk to
a woman very much as they might talk to the wonderful automaton around
at the museum when it plays a game of chess. "Why, bless my soul, it
really seems to be thinking! What apparent intelligence? What evident
faculty of mental independence! It almost appears to possess the power
of coherent thought!" Others sit in the presence of a woman as though
she was a dish of ice cream. "How sweet." "How refreshing." "How
altogether nice!" Many behave in her company as though she was a
loaded gun, and liable to do mischief, while a very few act as though
she was above the wiles of flattery, and not to be bought for the price
of a new bonnet. Hasten the day, good Lord, when she shall be regarded
as something wiser and nobler than an automaton, less perishable than a
confection, more comforting and peace-producing than a fire-arm, a
veritable comrade for man at his best, not so much prized for the vain
and evanescent charm of her beauty as for the steadfastness and the
incorruptible purity of her soul.

XLI.

TAKE TO DRINK, OF COURSE!

What would a man do, I yonder, if things went so irretrievably wrong
with him as they do with some of us women? Why, take to drink, of
course. That is a sovereign consolation I am told for many ills. A
woman has no equivalent for whisky. She must needs clench her hands
and set her teeth and bear her lot. And yet you tell us a man is the
stronger. I tell you, my dear, I know a dozen women who could discount
any soldier that ever fought in the Crimean wars, for downright heroism
and pluck. Where do you find the man who is willing to wear shabby
clothes and old boots and a seedy hat that his boys may go fine as
fiddles? Where do you find a man who will get up cold mornings and
make the fire, tramp to work through snow, pick his way through
flooding rain, weather northeast blasts and go hungry and cold that he
may keep the children together which a bad and wayward mother has
deserted? First thing a man would do in such a case would be to board
the children out with convenient relatives while he looked around for a
divorce and another wife! How long would a man brace up under the
servant question? How lo