or
escape. _July_ 1.--Because I have not employed my wealth in charitable
uses, therefore does the Lord take other ways more grievous to me to
scatter what I have so sinfully kept back.' And so on, alternately
scrimping and confessing; filling his pockets with money, and praying
that he may be enabled to open them, he goes on till we read such
miserably self-deceiving entries as this almost at the end of his doleful
diary: 'I purpose, if the Lord would give strength and grace and
constancy, and an honest and sound heart, to lay by some money for such
uses from time to time, whereof this much shall be a sign and memorial.'

And then, as to his fear of man, his time-serving, and vacillation in the
day of difficult duty, hear his own humiliating confessions: '_Jan_. 20,
1662.--My perplexity continues as to whether I shall move now or not,
stay or return, hold by Lauderdale, or make use of the Bishop. I desired
to reflect on giving titles, speaking fair, and complying. I found
Lauderdale changed to me, and I desired to spread this out before God. I
went to Sir George Mushet's funeral, where I was looked at, as I thought,
like a speckled bird. I apprehend much trouble to myself, my family, and
my affairs, from the ill-will of those who govern. May God keep me under
the shadow of His wings. _Oct_. 16.--Did see the Bishop, and in my
discourse with him did go far in fair words and the like. The 31.--James
Urquhart was with me. Oh that I could attain to his steadfastness and
firmness! But, alas! I am soon overcome; I soon yield to the least
difficulty. The 26.--Duncan Cuming was here, and I desired him to tell
the honest men in the south that though I did not come up their length, I
hoped they would not stumble at me.' In other words, 'Tell the prisoners
in the Bass and in Blackness, and the martyrs of the Grass-market and the
Tolbooth, that Lord Brodie is a Presbyterian at heart, and ought to be a
Covenanter and a sufferer with his fellows; but that he loves Brodie
Castle and a whole skin better than he loves the Covenant and the
Covenanters, or even the Surety of the better covenant.' And having
despatched his sympathetic message to the honest men in the South, he
takes up his pen again to carry on his diary, which he carries on in
these actual terms. Believe me, I copy literally and scrupulously from
the humiliating book. 'Die Dom.--I find great averseness in myself to
suffering. I am afraid to lose life or es