ntention to devote myself to the profession
of learning, and I have some protection; I shall enter the university
and become a doctor, for I feel a strong bent for science." I read
Yashka's letter and became sadder than before; but I did not share my
grief with any one. My old woman caught a severe cold about that time
and died--from that same cold, or the Lord took her to Himself because
He loved her, I know not which. I used to weep and weep because I was a
lonely widower--but what help was there for that?[21] So it had to be,
you know. And I would have been glad to go into the earth ... but it is
hard ... it will not open. And I was expecting my son; for he had
notified me: "Before I go to Moscow," he said, "I shall look in at
home." And he did come to the parental roof, but did not remain there
long. It seemed as though something were urging him on; he would have
liked, apparently, to fly on wings to Moscow, to his beloved university!
I began to question him as to his doubts. "What was the cause of them?"
I asked. But I did not get much out of him. One idea had pushed itself
into his head, and that was the end of it! "I want to help my
neighbours," he said.--Well, sir, he left me. I don't believe he took a
penny with him, only a few clothes. He had such reliance on himself! And
not without reason. He passed an excellent examination, matriculated as
student, obtained lessons in private houses.... He was very strong on
the ancient languages! And what think you? He took it into his head to
send me money. I cheered up a little,--not on account of the money, of
course,--I sent that back to him, and even scolded him; but I cheered up
because I saw that the young fellow would make his way in the world. But
my rejoicing did not last long....

He came to me for his first vacation.... And, what marvel is this? I do
not recognise my Yakoff! He had grown so tiresome and surly,--you
couldn't get a word out of him. And his face had changed also: he had
grown about ten years older. He had been taciturn before, there's no
denying that! At the slightest thing he would grow shy and blush like a
girl.... But when he raised his eyes, you could see that all was bright
in his soul! But now it was quite different. He was not shy, but he held
aloof, like a wolf, and was always looking askance. He had neither a
smile nor a greeting for any one--he was just like a stone! If I
undertook to interrogate him, he would either remain silent or snar