ic. This made a good opening for a compromise, and
the Major made a concession. He said he would give up the engaged
state-room, but he must have a state-room. After a deal of ransacking,
one was found whose owner was persuadable; he exchanged it for our
section, and we got away at last. The conductor called on us in the
evening, and was kind and courteous and obliging, and we had a long
talk and got to be good friends. He said he wished the public would make
trouble oftener--it would have a good effect. He said that the railroads
could not be expected to do their whole duty by the traveller unless the
traveller would take some interest in the matter himself.

I hoped that we were done reforming for the trip now, but it was not so.
In the hotel car, in the morning, the Major called for broiled chicken.
The waiter said:

'It's not in the bill of fare, sir; we do not serve anything but what is
in the bill.'

'That gentleman yonder is eating a broiled chicken.'

'Yes, but that is different. He is one of the superintendents of the
road.'

'Then all the more must I have broiled chicken. I do not like these
discriminations. Please hurry--bring me a broiled chicken.'

The waiter brought the steward, who explained in a low and polite voice
that the thing was impossible--it was against the rule, and the rule was
rigid.

'Very well, then, you must either apply it impartially or break it
impartially. You must take that gentleman's chicken away from him or
bring me one.'

The steward was puzzled, and did not quite know what to do. He began an
incoherent argument, but the conductor came along just then, and asked
what the difficulty was. The steward explained that here was a gentleman
who was insisting on having a chicken when it was dead against the rule
and not in the bill. The conductor said:

'Stick by your rules--you haven't any option. Wait a moment--is this the
gentleman?' Then he laughed and said: 'Never mind your rules--it's my
advice, and sound: give him anything he wants--don't get him started on
his rights. Give him whatever he asks for; and it you haven't got it,
stop the train and get it.'

The Major ate the chicken, but said he did it from a sense of duty and
to establish a principle, for he did not like chicken.

I missed the Fair it is true, but I picked up some diplomatic tricks
which I and the reader may find handy and useful as we go along.

DIPLOMATIC PAY AND CLOTHES

VIENNA, January 5