cook your own grub and my slops. Do you think you could do all that?"

"Yes, sir, I think so."

"Why do you? Have you any experience of the kind?"

"No, sir, none."

"Then why do you pretend you have?"

"I only meant that I would do my best."

"Only meant, only meant! Have you done your best at everything else,
then?"

I hung my head. This was a facer. And there was something in my
invalid which thrust the unspoken lie down my throat.

"No, sir, I have not," I told him plainly.

"He, he, he!" the old wretch tittered; "and you do well to own it; you
do well, sir, very well indeed. If you hadn't owned up, out you would
have gone, out neck-and-crop! You've saved your bacon. You may do
more. So you are a public-school boy, and a very good school yours is,
but you weren't at either University. Is that correct?"

"Absolutely."

"What did you do when you left school?"

"I came in for money."

"And then?"

"I spent my money."

"And since then?"

I stood like a mule.

"And since then, I say!"

"A relative of mine will tell you if you ask him. He is an eminent
man, and he has promised to speak for me. I would rather say no more
myself."

"But you shall, sir, but you shall! Do you suppose that I suppose a
public-school boy would apply for a berth like this if something or
other hadn't happened? What I want is a gentleman of sorts, and I
don't much care what sort; but you've got to tell me what did happen,
if you don't tell anybody else. Dr. Theobald, sir, you can go to the
devil if you won't take a hint. This man may do or he may not. You
have no more to say to it till I send him down to tell you one thing or
the other. Clear out, sir, clear out; and if you think you've anything
to complain of, you stick it down in the bill!"

In the mild excitement of our interview the thin voice had gathered
strength, and the last shrill insult was screamed after the devoted
medico, as he retired in such order that I felt certain he was going to
take this trying patient at his word. The bedroom door closed, then
the outer one, and the doctor's heels went drumming down the common
stair. I was alone in the flat with this highly singular and rather
terrible old man.

"And a damned good riddance!" croaked the invalid, raising himself on
one elbow without delay. "I may not have much body left to boast
about, but at least I've got a lost old soul to call my own. That's
why I want a gentleman of sor