it was the pattern of
my journey. Whether on the train, at the hotels, or on board the ocean
steamer, I never exchanged a friendly word with any fellow-traveller but
I was certain to be interrupted. In every place, on every side, the most
unlikely persons, man or woman, rich or poor, became protectors to
forward me upon my journey or spies to observe and regulate my conduct.
Thus I crossed the States, thus passed the ocean, the Mormon Eye still
following my movements; and when at length a cab had set me down before
that London lodging-house from which you saw me flee this morning, I had
already ceased to struggle and ceased to hope.

The landlady, like every one else through all that journey, was
expecting my arrival. A fire was lighted in my room, which looked upon
the garden; there were books on the table, clothes in the drawers; and
there (I had almost said with contentment, and certainly with
resignation) I saw month follow month over my head. At times my landlady
took me for a walk or an excursion, but she would never suffer me to
leave the house alone; and I, seeing that she also lived under the
shadow of that widespread Mormon terror, felt too much pity to resist.
To the child born on Mormon soil, as to the man who accepts the
engagements of a secret order, no escape is possible; so I had clearly
read, and I was thankful even for this respite. Meanwhile, I tried
honestly to prepare my mind for my approaching nuptials. The day drew
near when my bridegroom was to visit me, and gratitude and fear alike
obliged me to consent. A son of Dr. Grierson's be he what he pleased,
must still be young, and it was even probable he should be handsome; on
more than that I felt I dared not reckon; and in moulding my mind
towards consent I dwelt the more carefully on these physical attractions
which I felt I might expect, and averted my eyes from moral or
intellectual considerations. We have a great power upon our spirits; and
as time passed I worked myself into a frame of acquiescence, nay, and I
began to grow impatient for the hour. At night sleep forsook me; I sat
all day by the fire, absorbed in dreams, conjuring up the features of my
husband, and anticipating in fancy the touch of his hand and the sound
of his voice. In the dead level and solitude of my existence, this was
the one eastern window and the one door of hope. At last I had so
cultivated and prepared my will, that I began to be besieged with fears
upon the other sid