me. My action
went against me--I had not a penny to defend it. Solomonson proved my
wife's debt, and seized my two thousand pounds. As for the detainer
against me, I was obliged to go through the court for the relief of
insolvent debtors. I passed through it, and came out a beggar. But
fancy the malice of that wicked Stiffelkind: he appeared in court as my
creditor for 3L., with sixteen years' interest at five per cent, for a
PAIR OF TOP-BOOTS. The old thief produced them in court, and told the
whole story--Lord Cornwallis, the detection, the pumping and all.

Commissioner Dubobwig was very funny about it. "So Doctor Swishtail
would not pay you for the boots, eh, Mr. Stiffelkind?"

"No: he said, ven I asked him for payment, dey was ordered by a yong
boy, and I ought to have gone to his schoolmaster."

"What! then you came on a BOOTLESS errand, ay, sir?" (A laugh.)

"Bootless! no sare, I brought de boots back vid me. How de devil else
could I show dem to you?" (Another laugh.)

"You've never SOLED 'em since, Mr. Tickleshins?"

"I never would sell dem; I svore I never vood, on porpus to be revenged
on dat Stobbs."

"What! your wound has never been HEALED, eh?"

"Vat do you mean vid your bootless errands, and your soling and healing?
I tell you I have done vat I svore to do: I have exposed him at school;
I have broak off a marriage for him, ven he vould have had tventy
tousand pound; and now I have showed him up in a court of justice. Dat
is vat I 'ave done, and dat's enough." And then the old wretch went
down, whilst everybody was giggling and staring at poor me--as if I was
not miserable enough already.

"This seems the dearest pair of boots you ever had in your life, Mr.
Stubbs," said Commissioner Dubobwig very archly, and then he began to
inquire about the rest of my misfortunes.

In the fulness of my heart I told him the whole of them: how Mr.
Solomonson the attorney had introduced me to the rich widow, Mrs.
Manasseh, who had fifty thousand pounds, and an estate in the West
Indies. How I was married, and arrested on coming to town, and cast
in an action for two thousand pounds brought against me by this very
Solomonson for my wife's debts.

"Stop!" says a lawyer in the court. "Is this woman a showy black-haired
woman with one eye? very often drunk, with three children?--Solomonson,
short, with red hair?"

"Exactly so," said I, with tears in my eyes.

"That woman has married THREE MEN within the last tw