FREE BOOKS

Author's List




PREV.   NEXT  
|<   17   18   19   20   21   22   23   24   25   26   27   28   29   30   31   32   33   >>  
cated?" I asked him. "Surracuse, Noo Yorruk," he responded; and he blew his large nose. "And now, dear friends," Masticator was saying, "I leave you. Remember the poor foreigners, remember the little children. It is for them that the English language exists; and for them we must, therefore, smooth our spelling's cruel path. I expect results, dear friends." So saying, he was gone. "Yes, there is a dollar-sign in his jaw," repeated Miss Appleby. "Suggestions are now in order," said Kibosh, taking the chairman's seat. Three profound scholars stood up. "The only way----" they began, with one voice. "Professor Flawless Nathan Maverick has the floor," said Kibosh. "I presume the Professor will think no change in pecan nuts necessary." And the chairman smiled sociably at the scholar. "The only way," said Maverick, "is to abolish all words that foreigners cannot spell." "You mean cut 'em out of the language, suh?" inquired Jesse Willows. "I do." "Phew!" whistled Willows. "Order, gentlemen," smiled the chairman. "Professor Camillo Cottsill has the floor." "The only way," said this scholar, "is to abolish all words that children cannot spell." "Phew!" repeated Willows. "Order, gentlemen, please," said the chairman, gently tapping an inkstand with a pencil. But he was not heeded. "Who are you whistling at?" demanded Camillo Cottsill. "Can't yore children spell?" retorted Willows. "Can yours?" shouted Cottsill. At this Jesse Willows blushed a deep red, and so did Miss Appleby. "He is not married, Professor," said Kibosh, tapping the inkstand soothingly. "My little daughter Zola B. can spell everything," said Maverick. "How about the others?" demanded Cottsill. "My salary only affords me one," stated Maverick, with resignation. "Then how can you judge?" said Cottsill. "Receive, and believe, and bereave should be cut out at once." "They should not," said Maverick. "Oh, cut everything out," sighed Willows. "Hup, hup, hup, hup," began Professor Egghorn. "The author of Mustard Plasters has the floor," said Kibosh, with civility. "The only way," continued Egghorn, "is to hup, hup, hup." "Start the organ, please," said Kibosh to an assistant; and while the gasoline music played, "My spelling 'tis of thee," Kibosh walked round the table and gave every one an individual box of chickle. We chewed in silence, waiting for the voice of Professor Egghorn to go again. "Hup, hup
PREV.   NEXT  
|<   17   18   19   20   21   22   23   24   25   26   27   28   29   30   31   32   33   >>  



Top keywords:

Kibosh

 

Professor

 
Willows
 
Cottsill
 
Maverick
 

chairman

 

children

 

Egghorn

 

gentlemen

 

demanded


Camillo

 

tapping

 

abolish

 

scholar

 

inkstand

 
Appleby
 

smiled

 
spelling
 

foreigners

 
language

friends

 

repeated

 
resignation
 

stated

 

salary

 

affords

 

Receive

 

blushed

 

married

 

responded


daughter

 
Yorruk
 

bereave

 

soothingly

 

walked

 

played

 

individual

 

waiting

 

silence

 

chewed


chickle

 

gasoline

 

sighed

 

author

 

Mustard

 

assistant

 
continued
 
Plasters
 
civility
 

Surracuse