e three
friends worth having, not just the accidental sort of friends
("friendines" Nell calls that kind) who happen to be your friends
because you were thrown with them somewhere, and you would not miss them
dreadfully if by-and-by you drifted apart. They seem ones you were
_destined_ to meet, just as much as you are destined to be born, and to
die; friends intended to be in your life and never go out of it. I
scarcely knew in the beginning of our acquaintance which of the three I
liked best; and now that I _do_ know, I'm equally nice to them all,
because one should do as one would be done by, and I love to have people
nice to me.

Mr. van Buren has been with us the last two days, and I can see that he
watches his friend and me, if we chance to be together. I should like to
know if he, too, has the idea that Jonkheer Brederode cares about me,
and, if so, whether he wonders how it's possible for any man to admire
me more than Nell, who is so beautiful and brilliant and amusing? I
can't help being flattered that such an interesting person as the
Jonkheer _should_ like my society better than Nell's, though I can
hardly believe it's true. But somehow it would be nice to have Mr. van
Buren believe it, as then he would be obliged to think me quite a
fascinating girl, even though it probably wouldn't have occurred to him
before--being engaged and so on--to regard me in that light of his own
accord.

I should love to talk to Nell about all this in the sweet old way we
used to have, and I do miss a _confidante_. Lady MacNairne is a most
wonderful little woman, who manages every one of us, and we would do
anything to please her; yet I should never dream of confiding in her. I
don't know why, unless it's because she's all blue spectacles and gray
hair. And if you never can see what people are thinking about behind
their glasses, whether they're sighing over your troubles or laughing,
how can you tell them sacred things about yourself?

Sometimes I think it a pity that Mr. Starr is a man. If only he were a
girl he would be the most delightful person to have for a confidant. In
spite of his impish moods, which make him seem often like an "elfin
boy," as Jonkheer Brederode says, he's extraordinarily sympathetic. I
feel that he understands Nell and me thoroughly, and as he is good to
look at, and clever and fascinating in his manner when he chooses, I
wonder why neither of us has fallen in love with him. But very likely
Nell has.