en off was, so the coachman informed me, 'put
down to my account.' Oh, had I but guessed the truth about Mr. JONES
when I went to the Altar--I mean the Registry Office! Supper consisted
of _cold mutton and pickles_ (!) which latter he upset, and I had a
dress _ruined_."

On perusing the above, Mr. JONES decided that he could no longer keep
silence, and has made public the subjoined explanation:--

"When I first saw Mrs. JONES--then Miss THOMPSON--her youthful grace
quite captivated me. Her age was under fifty-six, and mine was just
sixty. She was, in fact, as I told her at the time, almost old enough
to know her own mind. It is true that she was wealthy, but that had
no influence on my conduct. On the contrary I felt it as a positive
drawback, as my domestic ideal has always been Love in a Cottage! But
as she was bent upon our marrying, I agreed to waive this objection.

"In proof of this assertion I need only say that on the _very day
after_ our first meeting, I received the following letter:--

"'PRICELESS AND ADORABLE PET,--How _are_ your little
tootsy-wootsicums? _Did_ they get wet in conducting me home after
that _delicious_ interview? If so, and you were to catch cold in your
precious head, I should never forgive myself. Oh, come and see me
_soon!_ Your Own, till Death, ANGELINA.'

"Possibly I may be blamed for publishing this letter. I do it for
_her_ sake, not for mine. Even now I believe that, were I left alone
with her for an hour, with none of her relatives nor a policeman near,
I could persuade her to retract her calumnious statement about the
poker. I conclude by saying that it is my belief that her relatives,
who are all of them powerful mesmerists, have _hypnotised her!_"

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

_My Face is My Fortune_, by Messrs. PHILIPS and FENDALL. Why don't
they agree to spell both names with an "F," and make it FILLIPS and
FENDALL. I fancy that FENDALL couldn't do without the sensational
fillips. This story excites curiosity throughout the first volume,
and then, in the other volume, satisfies it in so disappointing and
commonplace a fashion as to suggest the idea that one of the authors,
becoming weary of his share in the work, suddenly chucked it up,
and said, "Oh, bother! let's finish anyhow;" and then the other
_collaborateur_, whichever it was, did finish it as best and as
quickly as he could. There is evidence of laziness or of lack of
invention