ich occurred to me against this, they being the
same mentioned before: but though I had other reasons to offer now, viz.
that those men were enemies to my life, and would devour me, if they
could; that it was self-preservation, in the highest degree, to deliver
myself from this death of a life, and was acting in my own defence, as
much as if they were actually assaulting me, and the like; I say, though
these things argued for it, yet the thoughts of shedding human blood for
my deliverance were very terrible to me, and such as I could by no means
reconcile myself to a great while.

However, at last, after many secret disputes with myself, and after
great perplexities about it, (for all these arguments, one way and
another, struggled in my head a long time,) the eager prevailing desire
of deliverance at length mastered all the rest, and I resolved, if
possible, to get one of these savages into my bands, cost what it would:
the next thing then was to contrive how to do it; and this indeed was
very difficult to resolve on: but as I could pitch upon no probable
means for it, so I resolved to put myself upon the watch to see them
when they came on shore, and leave the rest to the event, taking such
measures as the opportunity should present, let it be what it would.

With these resolutions in my thoughts, I set myself upon the scout as
often as possible, and indeed so often, till I was heartily tired of it;
for it was above a year and a half that I waited, and for a great part
of that time went out to the west end, and to the south-west corner of
the island, almost every day, to see the canoes, but none appeared. This
was very discouraging, and began to trouble me much; though I can't say
that it did in this case, as it had done some time before that, viz.
wear off the edge of my desire to the thing; but the longer it seemed to
be delayed, the more eager I was for it: in a word, I was not at first
more careful to shun the sight of these savages, and avoid being seen by
them, than I was now eager to be upon them.

Besides, I fancied myself able to manage one, nay, two or three savages,
if I had them, so as to make them entirely slaves to me, to do whatever
I should direct them, and to prevent their being able, at any time, to
do me any hurt. It was a great while that I pleased myself with this
affair, but nothing still presented; all my fancies and schemes came to
nothing, for no savages came near me for a great while.

Abo