to dine, and to examine the ocean.
The anxious, anxious hours I passed in that top! Not an object of any sort
appeared on the surface of the wide ocean. It seemed as if the birds and
the fishes had abandoned me to my loneliness. I watched and examined the
surrounding sea, until my hands were tired with holding the glass, and my
eyes became weary with their office. Fortunately, the breeze stood, though
the sea went down fast; giving me every opportunity I could desire of
effecting my object. The ship yawed about a good deal, it is true; but, on
the whole, she made a very tolerable course. I could see by the water that
she had a motion of about two knots, for most of the time; though, as the
day advanced, the wind began to fall, and her rate of going diminished
quite one half.
At length, after passing hours aloft, I went below, to look after things
there. On sounding the pumps, I found ten feet water in the hold; though
the upper works were now not at all submerged, and the motion of the
vessel was very easy. That the Dawn was gradually sinking under me, was a
fact too evident to be denied; and all the concerns of thir life began to
narrow into a circle of some four-and-twenty hours. That time the ship
would probably float,--possibly a little longer, should the weather
continue moderate. The wind was decreasing still, and, thinking I might
have a tranquil night, I determined to pass that time in preparing for the
last great change. I had no will to make--little to leave, indeed, after
my vessel was gone: for the debt due to John Wallingford would go far
towards absorbing all my property. When his $40,000 were paid, under a
forced sale, little, indeed, would be the residue.
The state of things would have been somewhat different, under a fair sale,
perhaps; but a forced sale would probably sweep away everything. It is true
my creditor was my heir; for, a legacy to Lucy and a few bequests to
my slaves excepted, I had fairly bequeathed all I owned to my cousin.
As for the blacks themselves, under the new policy of New York, they would
soon be free; and I had no other interest in their fate than that of habit
and affection.
But why speak of property, in the situation in which I was placed? Had I
owned the whole of Ulster county, my wishes, or any new will I might make,
must die with me. The ocean would soon engulf the whole. Had I no desire
to make an effort to save myself, or at least to prolong my existence, by
means
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