will return to Souvigny on the 10th of August.
Jean is no longer tranquil; Jean is no longer happy. He sees approach
with impatience, and at the same time with terror, the moment of his
departure. With impatience--for he suffers an absolute martyrdom, he
longs to escape from it; with terror--for to pass twenty days without
seeing her, without speaking to her, without her in a word--what will
become of him? Her! It is Bettina; he adores her!
Since when? Since the first day, since that meeting in the month of May
in the Cure's garden. That is the truth; but Jean struggles against and
resists that truth. He believes that he has only loved Bettina since the
day when the two chatted gayly, amicably, in the little drawing-room.
She was sitting on the blue couch near the widow, and, while talking,
amused herself with repairing the disorder of the dress of a Japanese
princess, one of Bella's dolls, which she had left on a chair, and which
Bettina had mechanically taken up.
Why had the fancy come to Miss Percival to talk to him of those two
young girls whom he might have married? The question of itself was not
at all embarrassing to him. He had replied that, if he had not then felt
any taste for marriage, it was because his interviews with these two
girls had not caused him any emotion or any agitation. He had smiled in
speaking thus, but a few minutes after he smiled no more. This emotion,
this agitation, he had suddenly learned to know them. Jean did not
deceive himself; he acknowledged the depth of the wound; it had
penetrated to his very heart's core.
Jean, however, did not abandon himself to this emotion. He said to
himself:
"Yes, it is serious, very serious, but I shall recover from it."
He sought an excuse for his madness; he laid the blame on circumstances.
For ten days this delightful girl had been too much with him, too
much with him alone! How could he resist such a temptation? He was
intoxicated with her charm, with her grace and beauty. But the next day
a troop of visitors would arrive at Longueval, and there would be an end
of this dangerous intimacy. He would have courage; he would keep at a
distance; he would lose himself in the crowd, would see Bettina less
often and less familiarly. To see her no more was a thought he could not
support! He wished to remain Bettina's friend, since he could be nothing
but her friend; for there was another thought which scarcely entered
the mind of Jean. This thought
|