o. 1,--it was shortly
after this event, which I duly recounted at the time, that our
unconquerable old sea-dog, Rear Admiral Head, invented an entirely new
iron-clad after the model of a Quaker hat, the turret being of solid
iron all through, and so arranged that it could be used to cover the
gangway amidships. In fact, my boy, the turret was a movable block of
iron, with the swivel-gun mounted on top; so that if the turret
happened to be hit, the artillery would not be disabled, and if the
artillery was disabled, the turret would still be as good as ever.
(Patent applied for.) There was some discussion as to what name should
be given to this formidable monster, nearly the whole six-barrelled
Indian language having been almost exhausted by our national navy; but
finally it was resolved to call her the "Shockingbadhat,"--an old
Choctaw title of much simplicity, signifying originally "The Head what
errs," but now understood as meaning "The Head waters."

There has also been a great improvement in the swivel-gun, my boy,
which has been so reconstructed as to remedy the evil of immediate
bursting so common to our heavier ordnance. A select committee of
Mackerels having been appointed to examine our national ordnance
system, and discover the cause of its inefficiency, stated in their
able report that the causes of the frequent bursting of our larger guns
are,--

_First._ The powder used in propelling the appropriate missile against
the enemy.

_Second._ The addition of an incendiary spark to said powder.

It was further stated in the report, that, although the barrel of a gun
was frequently fractured when it exploded, there was no record of the
touch-hole ever having burst; and the committee believed that this
curious fact should serve as a valuable suggestion to the manufacturers
of future heavy ordnance.

Acting upon this truly valuable suggestion, our stern old Son of
Neptune caused his swivel-gun to be reconstructed upon a novel
principle; the touch-hole was extended to the usual size of a barrel,
and the barrel was reduced to the usual size of a touch-hole; so that,
although the terrible weapon looked precisely the same as ever, it was,
in reality, _completely reversed_!

But while the "Shockingbadhat" was being built, and receiving her
terrific new armament, the shameless Confederacies on their Pier in
Duck Lake had been industriously building Fort Piano and mounting it
with their villanous horse-pistols; so th