me tremble all over, even
when it is a blank cartridge that is fired. When I was born my father
was in India. A short time before I came into the world my mother had a
great fright. Her house in the country was broken into by burglars, who
entered the room and threatened to blow out her brains if she moved;
but the alarm was given, the men servants came down armed, there was
a struggle in her room, pistol shots were fired, and the burglars
were overpowered and captured. My mother fainted and was ill for weeks
afterwards--in fact, until the time I was born; and she died a few days
later, never having, the doctor said, recovered from the shock she had
suffered that night.

"I grew up a weakly, timid boy--the sort of boy that is always bullied
at school. My father, as you know, was a general officer, and did
not return home until I was ten years old. He was naturally much
disappointed in me, and I think that added to my timidity, for it grew
upon me rather than otherwise. Morally, I was not a coward. At school I
can say that I never told a lie to avoid punishment, and my readiness to
speak the truth did not add to my popularity among the other boys, and I
used to be called a sneak, which was even more hateful than being called
a coward.

"As I grew up I shook off my delicacy, and grew, as you see, into a
strong man. I then fought several battles at school; I learnt to ride,
and came to have confidence in myself, and though I had no particular
fancy for the army my father's heart was so set on it that I offered no
objection. That the sound of a gun was abhorrent to me I knew, for the
first time my father put a gun in my hand and I fired it, I fainted, and
nothing would persuade me to try again. Still I thought that this was
the result of nervousness as to firing it myself, and that I should get
over it in time.

"A month or two after I was gazetted I went out to India with the
regiment, and arrived just in time to get up by forced marches to take
part in the battle of Chillianwalla. The consequence was that up to that
time I literally had heard no musketry practice.

"Of the events of that battle I have no remembrance whatever; from
the moment the first gun was fired to the end of the day I was as one
paralyzed. I saw nothing, I heard nothing, I moved mechanically; but
happily my will or my instinct kept me in my place in the regiment.
When all was over, and silence followed the din, I fell to the ground
insensible. H