tomach's favorite grandson, the Benjamin of the
flock. Say anythin' to him, an' the stomach takes it up; say anythin' to
the stomach, an' he takes it up. All in a family-way, ye see. Love me,
love my dorg. There's no disputin' the fact, that you can't kill ary one
on 'em without walkin' over the dead body of the others. You can't whip
ary one on 'em except over the others' shoulders. Now you know who the
nose is, who his connections are, an' what's his geneology. He's
descended from the stomach in the second degree, an' will be heir to all
the property, ef so be he's true to himself an' the family. Ef he a'n't,
th' old man'll cut him off with a shillin', sure.

"Now dyspepsy's of two kinds,--the mucous an' the nervous; an' as I'm a
sinner, every mother's son an' daughter has got one on 'em. The nervous,
as you will naterally s'pose from my remarks, is a sort o' hired
help,--friend o' the family, like a poor relation,--handy to hev in the
house, an' all that. The other allers takes pot-luck with the family,
runs in an' out jest as he pleases,--chip o' the old block, one o' the
same crowd, you know. It's considered ruther more hon'able, in course,
to hev this one. None o' the man-waiter or sarvant-gal about him. A chap
with the mucous looks kind o' slick an' smooth, an' feels his oats pooty
wal; but a codger with the nervous is sort o' thin an' wild-like.
Wholesalers ginerally hev the fust, an' retailers the second; though,
'casionally, I hev known exceptions. A bank-president invariably has the
second; an' I never seen an apple-woman without the other. All accordin'
to Natur', ye see. But either on 'em 'll do. Take jest whichever you can
git,--that's my advice,--an' thank Providence. They'll either on 'em be
faithful friends, never desert ye, cling closer than a brother, never
say die, stick to ye, in p'int o' fact, like a sick kitten to a hot
brick. It's jest as I said,--every critter's got one on 'em. But there's
no two men alike, so there's no two dyspepsies alike. There never was,
an' never will be. 'T 's exackly like the human family, divided into two
great classes, black an' white, long-heel an' short-heel. Jes' so ...
nervous ... mucous ... Magna Charta ... Palladium of our liberties ...
ark of our safety ... manifest destiny ... Constitootion of our
forefathers ... fit, bled, an' died ... independence forever ... one an'
inseparable ... last drop o' blood...."

How it was I don't quite know; but I think that at t