my life. You have
discovered my existence, and the causes that rescued me from destruction
may be told without detriment to my person or fame.

"When I leaped into the river, I intended to perish. I harboured no
previous doubts of my ability to execute my fatal purpose. In this
respect I was deceived. Suffocation would not come at my bidding. My
muscles and limbs rebelled against my will. There was a mechanical
repugnance to the loss of life, which I could not vanquish. My struggles
might thrust me below the surface, but my lips were spontaneously shut,
and excluded the torrent from my lungs. When my breath was exhausted,
the efforts that kept me at the bottom were involuntarily remitted, and
I rose to the surface.

"I cursed my own pusillanimity. Thrice I plunged to the bottom, and as
often rose again. My aversion to life swiftly diminished, and at length
I consented to make use of my skill in swimming, which has seldom been
exceeded, to prolong my existence. I landed in a few minutes on the
Jersey shore.

"This scheme being frustrated, I sunk into dreariness and inactivity. I
felt as if no dependence could be placed upon my courage, as if any
effort I should make for self-destruction would be fruitless; yet
existence was as void as ever of enjoyment and embellishment. My means
of living were annihilated. I saw no path before me. To shun the
presence of mankind was my sovereign wish. Since I could not die by my
own hands, I must be content to crawl upon the surface, till a superior
fate should permit me to perish.

"I wandered into the centre of the wood. I stretched myself on the mossy
verge of a brook, and gazed at the stars till they disappeared. The next
day was spent with little variation. The cravings of hunger were felt,
and the sensation was a joyous one, since it afforded me the practicable
means of death. To refrain from food was easy, since some efforts would
be needful to procure it, and these efforts should not be made. Thus was
the sweet oblivion for which I so earnestly panted placed within my
reach.

"Three days of abstinence, and reverie, and solitude, succeeded. On the
evening of the fourth, I was seated on a rock, with my face buried in my
hands. Some one laid his hand upon my shoulder. I started and looked up.
I beheld a face beaming with compassion and benignity. He endeavoured to
extort from me the cause of my solitude and sorrow. I disregarded his
entreaties, and was obstinately silent.