FREE BOOKS

Author's List




PREV.   NEXT  
|<   63   64   65   66   67   68   69   70   71   72   73   74   75   76   77   78   79   80   81   82   83   84   85   86   87  
88   89   90   91   92   93   94   95   96   97   98   99   100   101   102   103   104   105   106   107   108   109   110   111   112   >>   >|  
her heart frozen by his last cynical laugh. Brookes finds his way down the stairs, through the unlighted hall, and lets himself out in the chill October air. He goes down the street feeling a confused sense of having inflicted pain and left distress behind him, but his own sensation of irritation, his own vexation and angry resentment against his lot in life, all but obliterate it. For some seconds he walks on with all his thoughts merged together in a mere desperate and painful confusion. "Only a hundred a year!" is his plainest, most bitter reflection. "Five-and-twenty, and only earning a hundred a year!" Brookes is not of a calm temperament. His nervous system is tensely strung, and generally, owing to various incidental matters, slightly out of tune, or at anyrate, feels so. His circulation is rapid, every pulse beats strongly, and the blood flows hotly in his veins. His mental nature is of much the same order--passionate, excitable, and impatient; but there is such a heavy curb-rein of control perpetually upon it, that its three leading qualities jar inwardly upon himself more than they show to outsiders. Even now the confused, excited disorder in his brain is soon regulated and calmed by his will, and as he walks on he lapses into trying to recollect whether he has said all he meant to. He concludes that he has, and a certain satisfaction comes over him. "Well, I have told her my views now," he reflects. "She sees what I think, and what my principles are. She won't wonder that I say nothing. I shall try for another post and a rise of salary, and then--" Stephen's character was a fine one in its way. The capacity for self-command and self-denial was tremendous, his sense of honour keen, his adherence to that which he conceived the right inflexible, his will immutable; but of the subtler sweetness of the human heart he had none. Of sympathy, the divine [Greek: sym, pathos], _the suffering with_, he had not the vaguest conception: of its faint and poor reflections, pity and mercy, he had but a dim idea. He stuck as well as he could to what he thought was the right path, and as to the feelings of others, he could not be blamed for not considering them, for he had never practically realized that they had any. In the present circumstances he had a few, fine, adamantine rules for conduct, which he was going to steadfastly apply, and he thought no more of the girl's feelings under them than
PREV.   NEXT  
|<   63   64   65   66   67   68   69   70   71   72   73   74   75   76   77   78   79   80   81   82   83   84   85   86   87  
88   89   90   91   92   93   94   95   96   97   98   99   100   101   102   103   104   105   106   107   108   109   110   111   112   >>   >|  



Top keywords:

hundred

 

feelings

 

thought

 

Brookes

 

confused

 

October

 

character

 

Stephen

 
salary
 

capacity


honour

 

adherence

 

conceived

 

tremendous

 

denial

 

command

 

feeling

 
reflects
 

concludes

 

satisfaction


street
 

principles

 

immutable

 

stairs

 

practically

 

realized

 

blamed

 

present

 

steadfastly

 

conduct


circumstances

 

adamantine

 

unlighted

 
divine
 

sympathy

 
pathos
 

subtler

 

sweetness

 

suffering

 

vaguest


conception

 
reflections
 
inflexible
 
system
 

nervous

 

tensely

 
strung
 

generally

 

temperament

 

twenty