r
"gyurls" or "gurrls" according to their social sphere. Vast-stomached
middle-aged men of all classes, and all crying aloud in fat-lipped
silence of indulgence, physical sloth, physical decay before physical
prime should have been reached, of mental, moral, and physical
decadence from the great Past incredible, and who would one and all,
if asked, congratulate themselves on living in these glorious modern
times of 'igh civilization and not in the dark, ignorant days of old.

(Decidedly a bitter young man, this.)

Place Mister Albert Pringle, Insurance Agent; Mister Peter Snagget,
Grocer; Mister Alphonso Pumper, Rate Collector; Mister Bill 'Iggins,
Publican; Mister Walter Weed, Clerk; Mister Jeremiah Ramsmouth, Local
Preacher; Mr. 'Ookey Snagg, Loafer; Mister William Guppy,
Potman--place them beside Hybrias, Goat-herd; Damon, Shepherd;
Phydias, Writer; Nicarchus, Ploughman; Balbus, Bricklayer; Glaucus,
Potter; Caius, Carter; Marcus, Weaver; Aeneas, Bronze-worker;
Antonius, Corn-seller; Canidius, Charioteer--and then talk of the
glorious modern times of high civilization and the dark ignorant days
of old!...

And as he sat musing thus foolishly and pessimistically, who should
loom upon his horizon but--of all people in the world--the Haddock,
the fishy, flabby, stale, unprofitable Haddock! Most certainly Solomon
in all his glory was not arrayed like this. A beautiful confection of
pearly-grey, pearl-buttoned flannel draped his droopy form, a
pearly-grey silk tie, pearl-pinned, encircled his lofty collar,
pearly-grey silk socks spanned the divorcing gap 'twixt beautiful grey
kid shoes and correctest trousers, a pearly-grey silk handkerchief
peeped knowingly from the cuff of his pearly-grey silk shirt by his
pearly-grey kid glove, and his little cane was of grey lacquer, and of
pearl handle. One could almost have sworn that a pearl-grey smile
adorned the scarce-shut mouth of the beautiful modern product of
education and civilization, to carry on the so well-devised
colour-scheme to the pearly-grey grey-ribboned soft hat.

The Haddock's mind wandered not in empty places, but wrestled sternly
with the problem--_would_ it not have been better, after all, perhaps,
to have worn the pearly-grey spats (with the pearl buttons) instead of
relying on the pearly-grey socks alone? When one sat down and modestly
protruded an elegant foot as one crossed one's legs and gently drew up
one's trouser (lest a baggy knee bring black sham