rden. To have confidence in one's self is
strength, but it is also weakness. Because you love me you do not know
me; you do not see me as I am. In reality, I am not sociable, and I lack,
absolutely, suppleness, delicacy, politeness, as much in my character as
in my manners. Being so, how can I obtain a large practice, or succeed,
unless it is by some stroke of luck? I have counted on the luck, but its
hour has not yet sounded. Because I lack suppleness I have not been able
to win the sympathy or interest of my masters. They see only my reserve;
and because I stay away from them, as much through timidity as pride,
they do not come to me--which is quite natural, I admit. And because I
have not yielded my ideas to the authority of others, they have taken a
dislike to me, which is still more natural. Because I lack politeness,
and am still an Auvergnat, heavy and awkward as nature made me, men of
the world disdain me, judging me by my exterior, which they see and
dislike. More wary, more sly, more experienced, I should be, at least,
sustained by friendship, but I have given no thought to it. What good is
it? I had no need of it, my force was sufficient. I find it more easy to
make myself feared than loved. Thus formed, there are only two things for
me to do: remain in my poor room in the Hotel du Senat, living by giving
lessons and by work from the booksellers, until the examination and
admission to the central bureau; or to establish myself in an
out-of-the-way quarter at Belleville, Montrouge, or elsewhere, and there
practise among people who will demand neither politeness nor fine
manners. As these two ways are reasonable, I have made up my mind to
neither. Belleville, because I should work only with my legs, like one of
my comrades whom I saw work at Villette: 'Your tongue, good. Your arm,
good.' And while he is supposed to be feeling the pulse of the patient
with one hand, with the other he is writing his prescription: 'Vomitive,
purgative, forty sous;' and he hurries away, his diagnosis having taken
less than five minutes; he had no time to waste. I object to the Hotel du
Senat because I have had enough of it, and it was there that Jardine
tempted me with his proposals. See what he has brought me to!"

"And now?"

CHAPTER VIII

EXPLANATIONS

At this moment, without warning, the candle on the table went out.

Phillis rose. "Where are the candles?" she asked.

"There are no more; this was the last."

"Then