pulsed me, therefore, with scorn; and as I followed
her distractedly, she raised her whip and threatened to leave a mark of
ignominy on my face if I dared to touch even her stirrup.
I fell on my knees and begged her not to leave me thus without forgiving
me. She was already in her saddle, and, as she looked round for the way
back, she exclaimed:
"That was the one thing wanting--to behold this hateful spot again! Do
you see where we are?"
I looked in my turn, and saw that we were on the edge of the forest,
quite close to the shady little pond at Gazeau. A few yards from
us, through the trees which had grown denser since Patience left, I
perceived the door of the tower, opening like a big black mouth behind
the green foliage.
I was seized with a fresh dizziness. A terrible struggle was taking
place between two instincts. Who shall explain the mysterious workings
of man's brain when his soul is grappling with the senses, and one part
of his being is striving to strangle the other? In an organization like
mine, such a conflict, believe me, was bound to be terrible; and do not
imagine that the will makes but a feeble resistance in natures carried
away by passion; it is idiotic to say to a man who lies spent with such
struggles, "You ought to have conquered yourself."
XXII
How shall I describe to you what I felt at the unexpected sight of
Gazeau Tower? I had seen it but twice in my life; each time I had taken
part in a painfully stirring scene there. Yet these scenes were as
naught beside the one awaiting me on this third encounter; there must be
a curse on certain places.
I fancied I could still see the blood of the two Mauprats sprinkled on
the shattered door. Their life of crime and their tragic end made me
shudder at the violent instincts which I felt in myself. I was filled
with a horror of my own feelings, and I understood why Edmee did not
love me. But, as if yonder deplorable blood had power to stir a
fatal sympathy, I felt the wild strength of my passion increasing in
proportion as my will made greater efforts to subdue it. I had trampled
down all other passions; scarcely a trace of them remained in me. I was
sober; if not gentle and patient, I was at least capable of affection
and sympathy; I had a profound sense of the laws of honour, and the
highest respect for the dignity of others. Love, however, was still the
most formidable of my enemies; for it was inseparably connected with all
that I h
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