r to let alone. It's the infarnel stuff, that makes
holes in yer wallets and holes in yer breeches, and holes in yer
winders, and holes in yer wife's heart, and kivers yer children all
over with holes; and last of all opens a big hole in the ground fur
ye tu slide through inter the infarnel regions.

I hev had it thrown inter my face that Jesus Christ hisself, made wine
out of water, fur weddins, and the govenor of the feast said it was
the best they hed hed. I ain't no doubt of it nuther, jest fur two
reasons, fust, it was made of water, second, Jesus Christ hisself made
it, and ye may bet all yer new clothes, _He_ wouldn't hev done nothin
to hurt nobody, I wouldn't have been afeared myself, fur tu drink wine
made of water, by Jesus Christ. I reckon we don't get no such now
days. Like enough, one reason for his makin it was fur tu hender 'em
from gittin any more of the miserable intoxicating stuff. One thing is
sartin, if he was God, he wouldn't dispute hisself, and the Bible
expressly says, 'Look not upon the wine--fur in the end it biteth like
a sarpent and stingeth like an adder.'

I don't profess fur tu know much about scriptur, but a nice leetle gal
pinted that air varse out to me, and she pinted out another which
said, 'No drunkard ken enter the kingdom of heaven.' Howsoever, I
ain't no preacher, and like enough tham air black coats hev got up
some big idee that clars up the hull subject. My religion is tu do the
best we kin, and we needn't be shaky about the futur. I've been a
advocating that air doctrine this sixty years and folks ginerally
sarve me as two leetle boys did not long ago. They was a making a puny
leetle dog draw a heavy loaded sled, and I said to them are leetle
shavers, 'you'd better turn in and push the sled and help that air
tired weakly dog of yourn;' and when I looked back a few minutes
after, them air leetle rascals was both riding on top of the load, and
had their fingers at their noses a pintin at me.

What people want is fur to have their hearts teched deep, and I don't
know how fur tu du it. I could tell stories about what liquor has
done, that orter set every one of ye a snivellin powerful, but I
reckon you'd ruther hear something funny. Temperance lecturers is
generally expected fur tu tell funny stories jest as a farmer is
expected fur tu feed out his husks tu them air animals that loves fur
tu chaw husks. The grain goes futher when he fodders in that air way.

But I don't know no